this comment made me sad

Thank you. I withdraw my troops suggestion.

Team USA’s big mistake was letting Magic Johnson pitch each player on joining the team.

Can they use the troops? I bet the troops would win.

“In the building” is also a pretty solid summary of my average day at work.

shout out to the REAL MVP the rich mf’er who had season tickets to the 2 seats i sat in every game and only showed up to like 4 games the entire season

If you think white supremacists have valid points I'm doubting how progressive you really are. 

Saw the initial image was a Phillies jersey and was really disappointed it wasn't Chase Utley. But was even my disappointed it wasn't Mac.

Nah, man. Fuck that. Alligator Bob has been asking for a goddamn week for them to close down the park and let him do his work, and the city said no. Bob was begging for a pitch, Frank is the dickhole born on 3rd and telling everyone he hit a triple.

I was going to say exactly this. I’ve been following the updates which for the last week have been “Alligator Bob is still looking for the alligator.” Then this morning the first thing I read is “They got a real gator guy from Florida and he got the gator”. One wonders if Robb is now fucking Bob’s girlfriend as well.

Best part of this whole gator saga was that they initially brought in this dipshit named Alligator Bob who spent a week not being able to catch an Alligator, and the first dude they bring up from Florida catches it in like 20 minutes.

You don’t even need any of that. Here’s all you need:

Just checked the USA Curling rulebook, and it looks like there’s no explicit rule outlawing hair-pulling.  Could be an interesting strategy for sweepers!

Behold: a deadspin MLS article without major snark toward the league!

I mean I’m SURE some dude is like, “Nuh-uh! You know this scale is real because it’s made with weights and levers and thus is 100% accurate! Not like some digital scale that can just poop out mumbo jumbo!”
Despite there being an actual Salute Your Shorts about these scales being wrong!

Didn’t Rose Lavelle give PMT an interview like right before the World Cup? We should cancel her right?

I hate Barstool as much as the next guy but the deep investigative dive into every single person that briefly associates themselves with that shit hole comes off as a bit desperate at times. 

I’ve never seen anything blown up so fast in Oklahoma City.
-Mayor David Holt

Merely “photorealistic cruddiness” in the headline gave off delightful Jay-Sherman-in-a-bad-mood vibes, and the rest of the article more than lived up to it. Superb pannery.

This article brought to you by those people in Dead Letters who put the entire content of their email into the subject line.