Real talk - this was simple and elegant. Thank you. 

The real punishment should go to the people who planned a SUNDAY wedding, Week 1 Sunday no less.

I mean that kid CAN NOT be more than 10. So, as a Giants fan, this isn't even in the top 20 most embarrassing things he's experienced. 

Jaguars Junction will return in the near future/whenever Hamilton will stop ignoring my messages

This is not the Jaguars Junction content I was looking for. 

Ideally we can get rid of the major league games too. Just analyze the swings of each team’s hitters, the spin rate of each team’s pitchers, and declare a champion.

Old guys have been saying analytics will kill baseball, and I think even they would agree they were talking metaphorically. This dude is literally advocating for less baseball games because analytics don’t even need games to get the numbers. So I guess all the old guys yelling at clouds were kinda right?  This asshole…

that other game is the reason we drink. awful

That game last night is the reason we watch football.

Sometimes these things just happen, entirely naturally...

Dan Snyder looks like the manager at the grocery store you worked at in high school.

I honest to God have no idea who you’re arguing with right now.

The Poop Standard Selection Committee (me) has taken your point under advisement and determined it does not dole out participation trophies.

I mean...of anyone in the MLB, Verlander especially has the right to be super protective over who has access to his cell phone information.

Dearest Mother,

everybody is putting on a happy face as they travel to Winnipeg

No way does a storm trooper actually throw a pitch into the strike zone.

And The Twelves still don’t know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs. 

It is SO WEIRD to see the Browns WYTS this late in August.