You EXPECT something? Eat a bucket of fucks you shit eating dickhead!

Freddie: *smashes a home run*
Me: *makes fun of little Charlie for getting owned by his dad*
Freddie: *runs offscreen*
Me (not understanding object permanence): “Where’d he go?!”

The ball going into the basket was quite a process.

People keep saying this like hockey is a real sport anybody should care about.

Why is there no LOLBULLS tag?

NO WAY MAN I’M TOTALLY A HUNNERD PERCENT SERIOUS

Mitch Witchnowsky sounds like he would be the quarterback for a Chicago football team in a video game that couldn’t work out a licensing agreement with the NFLPA.

I would definitely start watching talking about sport shows if Beverly and Williams were the hosts.  

I’m sorry, no, Pop won’t be able to do that because I’ve already planned out his post-NBA career pretty comprehensively. He’s going to retire from coaching and move directly into the White House, where he will drop kick Trump and the rest of the horror show into the toilet and then flush them to hell where they belong…

I’m a Rockets fan. I’ve never had a scenario in my life as a sports fan where I love a coach as much as I love Pop, respect a team’s incredible two-decade-plus run of consistent greatness as much as I do, and hate the fucking team as much as I do. Pop is better at the thing he does than just about anyone alive is…

I bet all his tweets go viral.

Nearly five months ago, I suffered a severe brain hemorrhage while I was just standing around at a work party. When I collapsed, I fractured my skull.

/leads with a list of things you can never do for the rest of your life, like play hockey or watch Star Wars

As a traditionalist, I'm just glad the Cup will stay in its ancestral homeland for another year.

dove into Moore’s blogs from the National Review’s website in 2001, 2002, and 2003

The way the Thunder carry themselves vs. how good they actually are is approaching peak John Wall.  

Why not Melo?  He qualifies as “former” by now.

The context is that Yu Darvish fucked up three guys with a magic fastball

My theory is that Molly saw that Max was about to cough and made the split second decision to blow a little ass, hoping the exceptionally loud sounds of Stephen talking and Max coughing would cover up her shame.  Do you know why no one laughed or looked upset when it happened?  Because it was a girl!  I, and all men,…

Plus his name is an anagram for “Cake Alarm” which is pretty awesome.