Retires, impeached, dies from the toxic chemicals absorbed into his system through contact with the soccer ball Putin gave him. Any way works for me, really. 

“It’s gonna take a long time to build...it’s got TWO wings...not many people know that...and they aren’t little wings either...they’re huge wings...so it’s gonna take a long time to build...and it will be painted red, white and blue...you’ll see...it will be magnificent...the top in the world...guess what colors it…

spending $1,900.00 on a both!  a both!  gotta be out of his a mund.

what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have…

I definitely agree that someone being sort of a cock on twitter means they shouldn’t ever work again.

Whitney has the weirdest takes and I feel like I’ve never seen her interact with a commenter. Its like defend yourself every once in a while girl!

If someone has killed multiple babies due to their addictions, whether you find them sympathetic or not, they don’t deserve and are not capable of living in free society.

I hope Queen steps on his tie and  he trips over or she can ride him over with her Range Rover.

Not to mention the olds. All those discounts, just because they’ve been stinking up the planet for a while. They should pay more, for all the extra wear and tear they’ve caused! It’s an outrage!

This pisses me off. Who the fuck doesn’t list the speeds they’re bragging about going in the proper ascending order?

Right, I like how only the people who have a problem with racism, homophobia, etc. are the ones being divisive. 

To be fair, there were hockey sticks in the golf bag. #HappyGilmore

The only things that could’ve made this story more Canadian were if the golf clubs were hockey sticks and the Walmart was a Tim Hortons.

Legend has it that Lil Papa John became inspired to start his company after seeing a pizza delivery truck dragging a black man behind it.  

That’s love.

Fuck Stephen Miller* forever with a chainsaw dildo that’s also on fire.

I hope he gets cancer and dies a miserable death.

You’re saying that if Europe removes its tariff on US autos, the national security threat posed by European cars will evaporate too? Wow. Who knew?

He was giving you busywork to sober up.

Don’t argue with a German when it comes to paperwork.