You keep saying it’s a joke, how? How’s it funny.

People keep saying, “Trump doesn’t know how to shake hands,” but it’s more than that — Trump is a clueless buffoon, and I guarantee that he read somewhere that pulling that kind of idiotic shit when someone shakes your hand is some kind of “power move”. Being a fucking moron with no external locus of self-regard, he…

I guess it’s also possible to be a mechanic without owning a car yourself.

3) he dies in office of natural causes and we hold the biggest party the world has ever seen, them get back to the barricades to stop Pence.

Are you serious??? Like she’s some nun being called to a vocation? This bitch wants to do away with public schools and make billions in profit off of charter schools.

username suggests undercover cop.... beware ;p

Put her to work in the local walmart. You could use her chin to open up packing crates.

Maybe I’m just very obtuse but will someone please explain who the fuck Jason Derulo is?

That’s just, like, your opinion, man.

I think he means easy decision.

Translation: None of those hippy chicks would sleep with him so they must not have been sleeping with anybody.

Because my mom is white and my dad was a North American ground squirrel.

Big deal. His kind of game might be conducive to winning a Final Four or the occasional Olympics, but he’ll retire without a ring (unlike his brother LaLebron).

You try living in Arizona sober.

I can respect a sex worker.

Yes. When I said “I know it’d never happen,” what I meant was “I think this will definitely happen.”

Trump calls his own shots, largely based on an accumulation of brain plaques that block cell-to-cell signaling at synapses, and everyone knows it.

“Born This Way” literally says every word in LGBT. It’s not even a metaphor. If he can’t figure out “no matter gay straight or bi, lesbian transgender life/ I’m on the right track baby/ I was born to survive,” he might actually be too stupid to implement Trump’s autocracy.

People need to stop pretending that Ivanka and Melania are poor victims who are secretly nicer than Trump. There’s no evidence of this, at all.

That certainly makes me feel better about “coming out” with all of my Trump assassination plots here on Jez.