Aw, this is fabulous! I hope she gets herself something nice too, because honestly—was she chosen as a POSTER CHILD for cliche, shitty jobs? Like, she works at McDonalds: ok. She works at Walmart: ok.

BUT BOTH?

Girl. You deserve every cent of that. Every GD cent.

No, but I'm gonna leave it.

Ativan. So easy.

I was so ready to roll my eyes, but it's a pretty punk/Runaways-style remake.

Me TOO! I'm punk and I LOVED that version of a song that I was completely indifferent to, prior.

Punks are very opinionated about what is and isn't punk. I was all prepared to be like that's not punk! But shit, ya got me, I dig it.

"As a palate cleanser for the last two weeks, please enjoy some stories of terrible customers receiving their just rewards."

Uh, you better hope The Beygency didn't read that...

i didn't watch the grammy show. i only saw the live stream of the audience cam online without audio. here are my observations. i missed 45 minutes of it in the middle because food.

Sometimes, for no reason, I'll do the little turn and say, "So, you got a flat? Well, how 'bout that?" and the eyebrow raise. Apropos of NOTHING that is happening at the time. Seriously.

Uhhhhh that individual is not 26 years old.

When I was on OKC, I would have loved the ability to hide my profile from men outside of my age range, and who answered certain questions in a specific way. For example, there was a question about whether there is ever a time when someone is obligated to have sex with you. I would have liked to hide my profile from…

The main thing I'd like to see is Tinder-style matching system on sites that aren't Tinder. For those who are unfamiliar, that means that no one can contact anyone else until you've both clicked to indicate you're interested. That requires women to do at least some work, it gives people of both genders the incentive…

Yeah, but he looks strangely hot in this picture. Like, hate-fuck worthy. Why?! What's wrong with me?! Or is it just that vaccination is attractive?

An open letter to my exes:

I would have stuck my fingers in my vagina and painted fuck you with period blood on the wall, but I'm an animal.

Are you sure it wasn't Kappa Kappa Kappa?

oh god what if the kid got away with like

I was in a wedding party where the bride booted the maid of honor from the wedding during the bachelorette party. Excessive booze, crying, hot tub fighting - it was all very Real Housewives-esque.

Years ago, I read about support groups for women with AIDS, and many of the older ones got it from their husbands. I guess some people don't understand that a person getting married doesn't mean they're removing themselves from the market. You can only hope the spouse isn't in the dark too long.*And no, I'm not…