I ate this for lunch. I think my percentage has shot through the roof.

This changes nothing

I suppose I’ll just have to clog my arteries to such a degree that the cancer can’t get through

Maybe one day we’ll get to see what Hopkins can do with a great quarterback throwing him the ball

I can understand why Irsay would be upset. A first half like that must be a tough handful of pills to swallow.

If there’s one thing Irsay can handle, it’s a bunch of downers.

There’s no telling what Irsay will do when he sobers up and sees he’s in charge.

I love the Ewoks. Judge me. I don’t care.

Fucking right, DM. Empire is obviously the best of the trilogy (I do not consider the prequels to be things), but Return of the Jedi is better than Star Wars. Luke is at full badass power, and Jabba the Hut exists and eats spacefrogs!

You ever see a movie so bad that you question the actor’s finances?

My favorite bit was the outrage caused by his jokes. He did the bit about getting the best talent. “If you want Tom Cruise, don’t settle for Jude Law.” Sean Penn (I believe) was seething when he got up to the front and felt compelled to defend Jude Law.

I...I...fuck. I can’t disagree with anything here. I...just fuck it, man. Game over. *curls up into ball, begins rocking back and forth while making a high-pitched keening noise*

I discovered this today, and it sounds brilliant.

It’s worth $12-15 of my money and 2-3 hours of my time to find out, and they would really, really have to fuck up to create a worse movie than Attack of the Clones.

Join us next week as Albert Burneko’s middle age of misery continues.

I bet that “2015 SNF Runner-up” banner looks great.

“Dear Michigan family”

It’s Cutler’s own fault for trying to squeeze two cigarettes in between classes.