I love the Ewoks. Judge me. I don’t care.

Fucking right, DM. Empire is obviously the best of the trilogy (I do not consider the prequels to be things), but Return of the Jedi is better than Star Wars. Luke is at full badass power, and Jabba the Hut exists and eats spacefrogs!

You ever see a movie so bad that you question the actor’s finances?

My favorite bit was the outrage caused by his jokes. He did the bit about getting the best talent. “If you want Tom Cruise, don’t settle for Jude Law.” Sean Penn (I believe) was seething when he got up to the front and felt compelled to defend Jude Law.

I...I...fuck. I can’t disagree with anything here. I...just fuck it, man. Game over. *curls up into ball, begins rocking back and forth while making a high-pitched keening noise*

I discovered this today, and it sounds brilliant.

It’s worth $12-15 of my money and 2-3 hours of my time to find out, and they would really, really have to fuck up to create a worse movie than Attack of the Clones.

Join us next week as Albert Burneko’s middle age of misery continues.

I fall into your age range. I was excited for the prequels and I’m excited for this.

Yeah, but it is essentially a custom hot rod, so that isn’t terribly surprising.

“She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid.”

“Ohshitohshitohshitohshit I only got past turn it on in the training!”

I bet that “2015 SNF Runner-up” banner looks great.

“Dear Michigan family”

It’s Cutler’s own fault for trying to squeeze two cigarettes in between classes.

I can’t help but feel that a loss like this can only be captured emotionally by the poetry of Dee Mirich.

Rob Ford’s Darryl Strawberry impression was much more spot-on.

You’re a middle-aged Mets fan

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more pure declaration of love.