If the nice lady had stayed in the right lane she wouldn’t have hit the deer . If she’d been driving 5 mph faster she wouldn’t have hit it. My uncle Clyde always said if you were going fast enough you were gone before the accident could happen.

Problem: Some take too long to use the overhead compartments. Solution:  Eliminate the compartments.

In an expanding universe everything takes longer and costs more.

Why is this not a real cookie?

When I was young the theory was that beer tastes better the closer to the brewery you were (because it would be the freshest.)

The reactionary right and most of the rest of the Republican party has moved so far from reality that connecting shootings and controlling guns is beyond their abilities.  

My brother replaced his 86 Dodge Ram pickup with a used 2001 Tundra. While the Tundra's frame was being replaced a couple of years ago he was given a Tacoma to drive.  All three trucks were essentially the same size.

Arizona had a check your gun at bars law. My late brother in law was angry when they passed that. He complained he had to buy a new gun. One to carry and one to check.

Some people like margarine, it’s what they grew up with. I grew up with butter and real American cheese, but also beef tongue and pickled tripe, so I tend not to be judgemental about what others like.

Cheddar ranges from $4 to $50 a pound not counting imports.  But keep saying it all tastes the same.  

He’s right, generally semi automatic pistols are referred to as automatics even though it is technically incorrect. Revolvers and automatics are the most common handguns. 

My grandfather told the story how his aunt Lydia ( in his words a woman so cheap she would render a louse down for hide and tallow ) would sent him out to a store that sold cracked eggs. But since it was on the other side of Philadelphia he would pay the extra couple cents and buy eggs close by and crack them before…

Gazpacho always brings the film Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown to mind. 

They protested the low price of diesel and they declared victory once it big $7.09 in Jersey.

That doesn’t look like a black bear to me, it looks like a young grizzly.

He meant Yonkers isn’t a new NIMBY exburb and the phenomenon of NIMBY is much older than the acronym.

I'd love to see the bubble burst, but I don't expect it happening by next August.

Homicide:Life on the Street had a scene where the interrogator used a loaded copier as a lie detector. 

They make Camry that gets 52mpg. I think they understand their customers.

The next time you’re tempted to bitch about families in SUV remember this story.