Never thought I’d root for Alabama.

“Jesus wept with laughter.”

Tiger’s savage swing was both his glory and his undoing. I believe he is the best golfer ever to play the game, but the human musculoskeletal system cannot sustain that kind of treatment, and I don’t think Tiger could ever bear to change his style.

Is Adam Woodbury coaching in the NFL now?

The odds are exceedingly good that the New Orleans asshole was Sean Payton. And even if it wasn’t him at that restaurant, Payton’s still an asshole.

Your colleagues are going to start calling you “The Master Baiter”—assuming they don’t already.

The studio begged him to do it for Ant Man.

Brewers pitcher Mike Blazek drilled him on that knee last Saturday.

I think I just saw James Franco heading into the Montblanc store.

My guess is that you allude to St. Mary’s School—where the faculty members are not the sharpest; my 6th grade science teacher pronounced the word “infrared” as if it rhymed with “prayered”—and the subdivision Annapolis Roads, where the golf course bears as much resemblance to a country club as a trailer park does to a…

... which led Tom Watson to rat him out.

A few years ago I was at Santa Anita, standing on the trackside apron at post-time for a race, not 20 yards from the starting gate. They begin to load the horses and a woman next to me turns to her kid—who had a perfectly clear line of sight towards real, live animals—points towards the Jumbotron and says “Look up at…

Would be nice if he ran in the Travers. I imagine someone would enter a rabbit, and it’d be interesting to see how Pharoah handles that situation. Yesterday was a cakewalk.

Lisa: “I remember you from such film strips as Locker Room Towel Fights: The Blinding of Larry Driscoll.”

Disgusting guy. :G

Not to be a horrible customer, but those fries look under-cooked.

I advise you not to read any other replies to your comment because someone is surely going to spoil it for you.

This:

Well, technically cow hooves and hog entrails do provide protein and some vitamins. But point taken.

So if we're spending so little on food (relatively) what are we spending it on? My guesses: high rents, credit card interest, and lottery tickets*.