This is simultaneously the funniest and the most depressing post that I have read on Jezebel today.

Touché

Starting from the assumption that it would require all three outfielders and both middle infielders to have simultaneous strokes for Colon to score an inside-the-park home run, and given that (per the Cleveland Clinic) the incidence of stroke in healthy, non-smoking 27-year-old men (the average age of an MLB player)…

In the headline, rather than "Enough" I would suggest "Sufficiently."

Thank you for investigating and clarifying. That "send our thoughts and our prayers" crap struck me as suspiciously non-corporate phrasing.

Congratulations on being named a Badminton Club Organizer—or whatever the fuck BCO stands for. Looking forward to a sustained diet of your articles.

Not that I needed another reason to be scornful of anything Cowboys-related, but I'll happily add this one to the pile. Thanks!

I dunno about the analogy. You can get spackle in some snazzy colors these days.

You're absolutely right that Ryan Zimmerman is getting a zoo's-worth of shit he doesn't deserve. I watched last night's game on the Brewers feed, and in the pre-game their color-analyst clod was talking about Zimmerman as if he were playing with prosthetic limbs. That catch Z. made in the 14th (? I was pretty sleepy)…

Crap. Have you EVER seen Greg Dobbs get a hit? I haven't. (I'm watching the 6/25 Brewers game.)

"Whackadoodles" is such an ugly, divisive term. Can't we call them "Corrosive Festering Colon Blockages" instead?

Ah, the Cardinals: putting the "act" in Class Act.

Not sure that you did ...

Jeepers: as joke fodder, this story seems like the lowest of low-hanging fruit. But damned if anyone—and I include myself—can get a handle on it.

I yell "Aw Shit!" all the time—most often, just when I wake up—and no one pays any attention. These phenomena are likely related.

That settles it: Go Portugal!

Notably, there was Holofernes experience of the Judith Effect.

If I could put together a one-day Nats broadcast squad dream-team, I think I would put you in the press box with Tom Boswell, and for play-by-play, I'd opt for Gary Thorne, who calls (as you know) for the Orioles. Who would you pick?

That's "DL" ... I'll assume the high-and-inside fastball to the dome in high school made the typo.

Q.E.D. Cardinals fan = dickhead