The article about the Las Vegas photographer was pretty good. I especially liked this: "Jonnie was so nervous that she decided to adopt a persona — in her mind, she was playing Dolly Parton. "'I thought: Everyone likes Dolly Parton.'"

Guys who pick on Rosanne make my asshole-dar go "PING!"

@Miss Pelled: New 30 Rock tonight! Thank god! Never leave me again, Tina Fey!

This automatically makes me think of David Rakoff. Mind if I quote? (I'm home sick today.)

@tscheese: Shut up. That's sparkling wine in a can?! That's the most perfect marriage of product and celebrity endorser I have ever seen.

@taylay: OCTOPI HAVE THREE HEARTS??!

Thank you for this, Jessica! I am not getting botox or freaking out, and I've read One Perfect Day, thank you very much.

@FromTheFuture: Oh my god, I think you're right. I am working on my masters and have a job with the university where I file and answer the phone part time. It helps with tuition!

@nikaoh: Umbridge is so "Bush appointee"

I never dreamed there would be free hooch at these wedding showcase things! I just might go to one now, but I'mma call and check first.

Texas gave the world Ann Richards, Molly Ivins, and Barbara Jordan.

Texas gave the world Ann Richards, Molly Ivins, and Barbara Jordan. And Dr Pepper.

@dosido: Oh come on. That's weak. I love being from Texas, thankyouverymuch.

@royal72: "edit: that was BEST to the family :)"

I think the best thing for these pageants is for them to die a slow, quiet death. What are their ratings like, anyway?

I could have sworn they were in an RV camper when I first started watching that clip. With 70s wood paneling. Please tell me that's the new trendy look for NY bars.

@tscheese: You hate cilantro?! I hate cilantro!! It's like ashes in my mouth!

What I like about this is how totally uncomfortable he is. Yes, Jason, please try to explain yourself to the View ladies and their audience! Maybe they won't mind that your job is to treat women like commodities! You're not on Howard Stern now, are you big guy?

Check out what exists now! You can get free South Park episodes here:[www.southparkstudios.com] thankyoujesus

I have NOTHING bad to say about this. I think a pageant is a solid, defiant response to the absurdity of land mines. Here's their manifesto: