Q: What's the difference between a Papa John's pizza and a bowling ball? A: You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.

I'll guest blog about my sex toy collection and how I recommend having a beer in the shower before you go out.

I'm still waiting for them to start selling Schweppes Bitter Lemon in North America... doesn't look like it's ever going to happen.

I don't think so but now I want some

The lengths people go to legitimize their kink to the vanilla masses.

Haha! No. They had a website where people could suggest flavors names and make a mock-up bag so folks were doing all sorts of funny ones.

Hello nice to meet you i'm the president and CEO of the doritos corporation ,i'd like to know if you would be interested in some nacho cheese flavored donuts

Chillin'.

Hey, I had forgotten all about those! I liked them, but my heart belongs to the purple bag. Spicy Sweet Chili FOR LIFE. Alas, I rarely buy them because I would eat the whole bag.

There is no such thing as too much Neil Gaiman. <3

From Wikipedia: " When she was based in London, instead of renting or buying a property, Stritch and her husband lived at the Savoy Hotel".

I worked security at a nightclub that did after-hours and one night I was checking the mens room at 3am and out of a stall walked a guy and I noticed that he had forgotten to wipe the blow from under his nose. I told him he had to go and he started pleading, "Oh, c'mon man can't you let me stay?" and I said "Nope". He…

Plus if you rice to really rude angry people, it makes them even ANGRIER and you've been nothing but nice so they haven't a real complaint that your were uncivil ( therefore a shit employee.)!!!!

ikr? people are buggin out about snitching but like... don't be a cunt and fuck with people or people will cunt up and fuck with you back. it's like the rules of science- every act of cuntitude will have an equal and opposite act of cuntitude.

Although he was not an asshole in any way and I have never heard of him being this way, a friend of mine found a Black Amex in the bathroom of a restaurant with a noted director's name on it who got famous years after working in video stores. This card was ensconced in a massive pile of marching powder. Like a crazy…

I worked in a weekend warrior hot spot for four years, and Fisher-Price My First Banking Job™ people are the most despicable, entitled asshole customers in the world. People really do swallow that Eyes Wide Shut finance sector bullshit whole cloth and act as though they are a new race of Übermenschen because they had…

One of my favorite retail stories involved this one woman with a horrible world-travel superiority complex. You know the type— those people who wear crisp, breezy linen clothes 365 days a year and smell like patchouli and wear VERY expensive jewelry?

I used to work as a nurse in a psych ward. It doesn't matter where you work, it happens. I had delivery guys, family, and patients all over me. I was not "pretty" either. The patients were the only ones that had an excuse. I even had a guy follow me around for three consecutive shifts while his grandmother was dying…

And Whole Foods.

It happens to delivery drivers too unfortunately. There's one time I delivered a fairly large amount of pizza to a residence. When I walked in, I immediately saw several construction paper penises hung from the ceiling, which was a little awkward. I talked to several of the ladies there as they figured out who was…