Sadly, you were just too controversial for Minnesota. If you had only been doing something less abnormal, like beating your kid with a stick so hard it split the skin, then the Vikings might’ve been able to look the other way. Heck, they might even be begging to get you back right now.

Could Football Just Shut The Hell Up For Like Two Seconds?

And yet somehow *I* was the mediawhore/distraction.

DON'T go to the park and sit on a bench and stare at your phone for 60 minutes while your kid tries to feed sand to all the other kids.

"Whoa I just made you black! I've never felt so powerful"

*Screw you, Caleb Hannan. Don't you understand that this is the beauty of the free market at work?

So you've had some bad conversations. Dude, everyone has. Have you been in a work situation where you are the only non-praying person? Been asked where you attend church by a boss or a person being interviewed? You are part of the majority in the US, at least. It's very WTF-y to me to hop in here, in a conversation…

When Bill Bellichick heard the news of this report earlier tonight, he promptly fired the team's equipment manager for failing to do his fucking job right by not under-inflating that 12th goddamned football.

I feel really positive for all the Penn State alumni who will interpret this move as a validation of what they've claimed all along: That their hero was not the driver of a nefarious coverup, but was simply too much of a stupid pants-shitting old dullard to put the pieces together, realize what was going on, and take…

Truly today is a great victory for anyone who's ever assisted in the cover-up for a chronic sexual predator.

"I don't see how you put the loss on Fox"

Maybe not that specific one, but Peyton and an all-world cast of receivers has been covering up for Fox's coaching inadequacies for a while now. He should never have been hired again after his Carolina performance in which 7-9 with guaranteed draws on 3rd and long and punting…

It was a high-pressure situation, the cop felt crowded, the cop felt unsafe, they had to make a snap decision, and the level of force was totally justified given the fragility of the situation. You should just get off the cops backs and let them get on with their job!

Jennings also refused "the nine-step walk and the one-leg stand" sobriety tests, according to the report.

Operator: "Tallahassee Police Department, how may I direct your call?"

Good news is that the UPD and Tallahassee PD are investigating, so the criminals will be brought swiftly to justice.

Three years without a test? What do they think those swabs are, FSU football players?

There is no part of any NFL fan who's envious of the Raiders. Except the ones that wish they had a higher draft pick.

Not many details yet, but I have one: the 49ers were just eliminated from playoff contention this past weekend.

Solution: avoid Virginia at all costs.

On the plus side, if a runner does get shot at least they get one of those 30.06 stickers.