I never thought I’d want to come to the defense of those creepy Charmin poop bears, but here I am.

My super-republican, “I AM NOT HOMOPHOBIC, A GAY MAN MADE ME THESE PILLOWS” (still my favorite version of “some of my best friends are...”) grandmother loved York peppermint patties so much there were bowls of them at her funeral.

I like mint chocolate, but I’m not sure I can defend it.

“Caspar Jopling” is the name of my next D&D character.

Even then, what? He’s a minor with cosignatory parents. The judge has no legal reason to refuse a name change.

“If I had the chance, I’d ask the world to dance.” was my senior yearbook quote, and I have no regrets.

I still want to believe that empathy is valuable and not at all stupid, but holy shit, it’s fucking hard when it feels like you’re the only one.  

I was doing so well with not smoking.  That’s all gone to shit. My liver, lungs, heart, and brain, are just done.  They’re done.

Sea salt is my favorite pretentious thing, but i’m with you on edible flowers.  “edible” my ass.

Nope.

Children don’t bust out of the womb knowing how to fart responsibly. We need to teach them. My nephew and I learned that the hard way - we both thought it was a fart, but I ended up covered in baby poop.

I’m never having children.

YES!  I like cottage cheese, but I don’t get the sweet thing.  Savory, or GTFO.

This is going to be unpopular, but I’m not a burger fan. I’d be much happier with bacon and cheese in a bun. I can tolerate a thin patty, but that’s just extra protein. I WANT THE TOPPINGS, which there are almost never enough of. The beef is boring (even though, according to people who know their burgers, it’s…

My continuing problem with Nick is that I just don’t know how he’s made it this long, in this world, with his inability to play along. “Thanks, dear, for the cookies, they look delicious.” “I’m sorry, marriage is just new to me, too. We’ll figure it out together.” *kiss on the cheek* “I like yellow, too, sounds…

Yeah, I wouldn’t say he’s the greatest artist of the past 35 years, but he IS the real deal. I am so so fucking disappointed in myself for not seeing him live a few years ago, and I hope he comes back around.

Nina Simone was a national treasure.

She is insufferable. If I am ever unfortunate enough to find myself having to spend a night in wherethefuckever, OK, you can be damn sure I’m not paying $200+ a night.

That’s why I chose them. They are humble and good at what they do (unlike... you know), and because I’m not really into actively wishing violence on anyone, my conscience is clear because I do believe he’s stupid enough to electrocute himself.

Do YOU understand that we want to be treated like competent, autonomous individuals, and not just pussies to grab, you feckless bloated schmuck?

Not a gun owner (though I have shot one - a rifle at a range with my grandfather, and now my dad has it and keeps it locked up with no ammo in the house, even if he is kind of a RWNJ) - but I wanted to say YAY pitbull rescue! My neighbors upstairs have one, and she’s the sweetest. Sometimes when I hear them taking her…

I love this idea. I’m not really on social media, either, but I would happily participate.