The outfit pictured is not new. I know this because it has been sitting in my closet for a year as I attempt to figure out where I can wear it without shame.

A bunch of randos who buy tickets to his shows.

Or maybe he's just an asshole.

Why are you talking like Cookie Monster?

Oh my god, I never knew I needed something so badly.

Seriously, has anyone checked his forearm for the Dark Mark?

Because it's accurate.

I am so embarrassed that I had to say this like, 3 times out loud before I got it.

Not only that, but her fiancé is one of those particularly crazy pro-life types. Now that they're allowed to hold hands, some of his insanity may have transferred to her.

You ask the important questions.

Surprise Vagina is the name of my new band. Or possibly my firstborn, I haven't decided yet.

I was genuinely sad when the YouTube clip ended. WHO WON THE MIXED PAIRS COMPETITION?! I MUST KNOW!

I went on a tour at Warner Bros Studio, where they film it. There was this family in the tour group with these awwwwful children. Screaming, rude, touching things they were told not to touch, getting yelled at by the tour guide and security guards every 30 seconds, and of course their parents gave no shits whatsoever.…

I'm at that age where it seems like everyone on my news feed is getting married, and being really fucking obnoxious about it. I know I've only gotta wait like, a year, tops, before the divorces start happening and shit begins to hit the fan, but waiting is haaaaard.

They managed to make McConaghey gorgeous with that '90s haircut, they can do it again. I BELIEVE.

Oh man, his Olbermann is gold. The way he's able to shout "Miss Precious Perfect" with such dignity slays me.

I can't hate Ben Affleck. I bet he makes really good waffles on Saturday morning and never talks while Game of Thrones is on.