Yeah, right? I'm more pissed that I can't spend the first half of my vacation high as fuck. And only one of my friends from home has his own place, and he lives above a cop, so...boo.

I don't think I could ever have sex at my mom's house. The neighborhood is so quiet at night that you can hear every. single. noise. the house makes. I was even worried when I hit puberty that there would be telltale signs of specialalonetime at night and then we would have to TALK ABOUT IT. Thankfully, the sturdy…

Aaron Rodgers is devilishly sexy?

Except it's New York City so by 2030 like half of one of these buildings will be complete and we won't be able to take the Second Avenue Subway to get there or know when the next train to get there is coming on a non-numbered subway line.

Simone Biles, gymnast, who went from virtual obscurity to four-time world medalist (two golds) in her first year as a senior athlete, winning the all-around by a huge margin and debuting a never-before-seen skill in the process. But she's not signed to a multimillion-dollar contract, so that explains it. I really hate…

I believe you meant it's ***Flawless.

Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes! I want to play ***Flawless for my 4-year-old niece on repeat so she feels empowered. I should probably wait like, 10 years, but goddamn, goddamn.

If my 26 years of living within 20 miles of JFK, both in the city and the suburbs, I can't recall a single notable (i.e., more than a few flakes or a dusting's worth of snow) "white Christmas," so history says you'll be good.

baldhead = circumcised penis?

Can someone please explain how Cain was able to go off and get married? Who did he marry? When were these mysterious other humans created?

How did I miss that this was in cooperation with GE? Whoever is in charge of marketing and microwave oven operations is gonna be in trouble.

FWIW, Border Collies are only aggressive when they're protecting their owners. They're also (arguably) the most intelligent breed and do well with tons of alone time. They're not for a little kid to take care of, no, but a really, really great pet to have. Except for the shedding in the summer. God, the shedding.

This is not Sooyoung, so you are wrong.

Well, bollocks. ;)

Where have you been all my life? Please tell me in New York...

Please tell me she was there at the same time as Kaitlin Olson. That would just make me squee so hard.

The acting all sounds incredibly forced. Not promising for a 30-second trailer.

Or me, who hasn't shaved in three weeks and has "I've been chugging NyQuil all month to get to sleep" face.

Give a stoner 20 minutes and it will be.

There was just nothing there, other than the IKEA and the movie theater. Now there's a Target, but it's still really lacking, and parking is a bitch. It was the closest one to me since I'm from Bethpage, but I preferred Roosevelt Field or Sunrise for real convenience.