One dude would start breathing extra hard and I was like I’m not a balloon!

Never mind mid-kiss, mid any sex act.

Definitely both, because I have to practice on which head tilt I need to implement depending on where I will be sitting in regards to my very hypothetical kissing partner. I am being very meticulous.

Totally. Have you ever had a moment when you’re mid kiss and you’re just like WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING?? It happens to me too often. Humans are fucking weird.

i just got distracted, thinking about lumberjacks.

Make your lips like a blowfish then stick your tongue out.

Sounds like a gecko kiss.

example : lax bros who’re offended you won’t sleep with them bc they thought they were doing you a favour going out with you in the first place.

ACtually thinking about the mechanics behind kissing is so so gross. I can’t believe we all just run around sticking our tongues into other people’s mouths (and crotches). And then complain when someone double dips in the salsa bowl.

His lips are pursed, not tender, his tongue juts in and out

I draw faces on my hand and practice making out with it. Working my way up to the French style.

Jesus kid get your nudes from the internet like the rest of us.

that was my thought at first. but when i confronted her (albeit via text, but as i told her, she REALLY would not have enjoyed hearing this face-to-face) she:

When my friendship with M ended, my myth was that I was the victim. I was hurt, nursing wounds, feeling self-righteous and angry, and so I believed that the end of our friendship had been all her fault.

Can I make my smart menstrual cup send automatic Farmville-style invites to all my female contacts? Because that would save me a lot of evangelism hours.

I... I feel weird. I’m into it. I’d try it.

*beep*
“What’s that?”
“Oh, just a text.”
“From who?”
“.... My vagina. BRB, it’s morphin time.”

(Morphin time is what I’ll say in the future when I empty my robot blood cup.)

jesus tapdancing christ are you fucking kiddddinnngggmeeeee

Even as a seven-year-old, I was so baffled at the drug lyceums my school would have where they claimed that drug dealers hang around the playground, give kids stickers with acid or LSD on them, and then the kids are hooked on drugs FOREVER! My allowance was $1 a week, I could not afford drugs. That’s just a horrible…

Given that Halloween is coming up and all sorts of stupid lore about treats laced with tricks will soon full the media, here is a simple trick to detect illicit drugs in your confections:

“Oh. Duh,” she says, echoing my thoughts entirely, “Okay, I’ll take the crispy chicken salad with extra extra ranch” she concludes out of nowhere.