All of my experience and opinions were from administering them, not receiving them. I’m not sure where the confusion started or perhaps I’m misinterpreting your comment.

“I’ve always had this daydream that if someone was a PROBLEM alcoholic that they keep a small flask of vodka in their glovebox. When they get stopped, before they roll the window down, they turn off the car, take out the keys, and chug the contents of the flask in view of the cop.”
Funny story, I used to work at a…

It was less an observation about the differences in laws than it was a kneejerk jab at the Canadian guy being a douche nozzle.

In my state, it would hinge on whether the car was running (or keys in the ignition, I can’t recall. It’s been a while since I worked the road). I recall coworkers having to “settle” for a public intox arrest (vs. the OWI) because the person asleep in the driver’s seat had taken the keys out of the ignition.

Yeah, the hypo does require a certain level of honesty from the officer. Or a body camera. Hopefully both. Shouldn’t be too much to ask.

Yeah anyone who would actually do it has huge life issues. Much like the guy who is vilifying me in the comments as if I’m teaching it to school children.

Humorous that you would accuse me of habitual belittling when you called me an asshole in the third word of your initial response.

Again, turning my hypothetical into supposed advice. You’re exhausting. I’m sure you’re a joy at cocktail parties. Some random person: “so then I got so scared I jumped through the roof.” You: “You’re a liar. You would be severely injured jumping through a roof and plus, no human can actually jump that high.” Random…

This whole column is about what to do if you’re ever caught driving after drinking. Don’t try to twist this like I created some monster. And if anyone is taking real life advice from a random non-sports related post on deadspin, they are more lost than any of us can help. So save your paternalistic “think twice”…

I’m actually dropping it so I can devote more time to teaching others the difference between a hypothetical legal question and actual advice.

Ugh, that guy. I hope I didn’t subconsciously steal that from him. This marks the last time I ever speak of that hypo since it’s now associated with him.

Way to take my hypothetical and contort it into supposed advice. Not at all what I said. And your stories are from Canada. Therefore they are irrelevant.

Former State Trooper here...

I assume because that person from Chicago is capable of looking up crime statistics and seeing that, as bad as Chicago is, Rio is still significantly worse. Also, that person has probably noticed that Lake Michigan isn’t filled with untreated sewage and human refuse.

Sorry, I can’t concentrate on your hackneyed metaphorical equivalency when I’m distracted by the bay full of infectious human waste that Rio will be hosting a number of aquatic events in.

Thanks for that hot take in defense of a literal shithole.

No, Rio is a literal shithole.

21-year-olds are generally idiots. 21-year-old hockey players who actually make the bigs are some of the most sheltered, naive people on the planet. During that stretch of his life where he was taking 29-hour bus rides to play hockey in Sheboygan (or wherever), Jack Johnson may have neglected to do a correspondence…

When it comes to money AND family (especially parents) that gives me a lot of sympathy. Your parents are the people you're supposed to trust the most and who should always be looking out for you, so I don't begrudge someone (especially someone young AND given a lot of money, not necessarily a good combination) for…

You have to be kidding me. This guy was kept in a hockey bubble....from the private boarding school/hockey factory he attended, to playing college hockey for two years, to the jump straight to the NHL. Prior to filing against his parents, the last time he made his own decision about anything hockey-related was…