Ah yes the morning what fresh hell am I living in today briefing

Well that blows.

I’m so relieved we finally solved our drugs, terrorism and human trafficking problems so that law enforcement can focus on the things that really matter.

I’m calling BS right now. This mission is not going to be impossible. Fool me 5 times, shame on you...

JK interior for reference below.

Nothing gets women going like having to put on 5-point harnesses when going out on a date.

Extra low mileage Murcielago for sale. Recently serviced, fresh paint. Only 37k miles! Asking $250,000 or best. No lowballers, this is a RARE car, I know what I have.

They’re casting shade by... not casting shade. (Since they eliminate a building that would otherwise cast a shadow...)

It’s true - I’ve tested it. On second thought, I should do further testing.

Now this is my kind of lifehack!

Nice All Blacks call out.

The action of going mudding makes you a redneck. It’s just reality.

You can be a wealthy hedge fund manager from Wall Street named Kip Smithers, but for those five minutes that you’re ripping donuts through a field in your Mercedes GLS, you’re a redneck.

I hope you don’t get an endless parade of “what does this have to do with cars” comments, because this is the kind of quality longform journalism which I love to see on Jalopnik. Thanks, Ryan.

Tail of the serpent