Hi. I’m here to tell my Mercury Tracer story. It is not a happy one.

“Pfft. Amateur.”

I was able to enhance the audio to pull out your track commentary:

Hmmmmm. Interesting...

Hippy.

“Sir, I pulled you over because the time-averaged derivative of your location measured by this laser interferometer has exceeded the specified local maximum.”

I am married to an ice conneisour. We buy bags of ice at sonic. We will probably get this. Why you ask? Because the equivalent machine costs 5k. Yup. If you want small crunchy ice, you can buy big honking machines that make it. For $5000 bucks. My wife still wants one, but understands that price is ridiculous. But…

you can’t use the transbreak in NC

This is a quick editor’s note confirming Kurt Bradley is actually British, so he’s allowed to use phrases like “on holiday.”

Yes:

Tokyo Drift was the best FATF. Don’t @ me. You can comment though.

I reallllllly wanted to just live in that small Kansas town until I fixed it, so I could drive it in, but Freddy wasn’t having it.

I’m fixing it in Moab, and then off-roading it.

I want to drive it home, but Patrick won’t let me. I think my coworkers legitimately think I’m ill.

Actually I’m well over my quota for the week, but I figured this would be a fun little post for the weekend. Sorry you had to suffer through it.

I’m not crying shut the fuck up you’re the one who’s crying.

I’ll live stream the first engine startup tonight. Hope it doesn’t blow up.

*wealthy people who can afford to spend $30,000 on a toy will never know the struggle of sweating or freezing when driving top down. And, likewise, the buffeting and wind noise of driving a convertible with the top up.

Jesus Christ. How worthless of a human being do you have to be to want to steal someone else’s hard earned property and then when you are too inept to use it yourself you have to kill an innocent person?

I wrote this Friday. Here, have a picture:

Couldn’t we have something a little less spectacular to start out our Saturday mornings? I’m sitting here on the couch, and after 2 hours of non-movement this article really makes me look bad. Couldn’t you have found an article about a guy who almost didn’t get butter stain on his sweatshirt to make us all feel like…