“To the death?”

Why would they name their car after the fish people from the Legend of Zelda?

Because sports fans are not known for their rational thought process?

You forgot to mention that sensitive baby dick Joey Crawford also threatened to fight Tim Duncan after ejecting him. Luckily Tim, unlike Joey, knows how to keep his cool because if he had taken him up on that offer, Joey would no longer be living.

I have the same problem with cocaine. I hate it! But does that stop people from pushing it on me? No siree! I was just at a party Friday night. Who wants to do cocaine? Not this guy! But sure enough, what happened just a few hours later? There I was, snorting a few lines off a toilet seat. Tricked again! I’m tired of…

Okay, so who had “ate an egg salad sandwich” in the “Why was Drew sick” pool?

Breath of the Wild, the game where I start a 4 hour adventure by chasing a butterfly, and end it by entering a battle of wits with a silver Lynel that kills me by electricuting me so I drop my sword and fall off a cliff, but luckily land in a pool of water and survive with one heart, only to have my sword hit me in…

The only bad thing about BOTW is that I can’t play it again for the first time. 

This I super off topic but I decided to buy a old NES specifically to give my kids a history lesson on where his current favorite games originated from...but because I cannot remember the ins&out for the life of me even though I obsessed over it for what seemed to be an eternity. Where can I find maps of the original…

A month ago, I planned to purchase a Switch and Breath of the Wild today. Then this article drops 20 minutes before I get off work while I’m cruising articles, trying to run down the clock until quitting time.

Yes, universe! I’m getting it already! I have the money! I will literally own this game in less than an hour!…

And you think a Russian freighter captain spent that time... not drinking?

“Witten’s restoration to the Cowboys, is the greatest restoration since Charles the II in 1660.” - Dennis Miller during an inevitable Giants/Cowboys MNF game this season in that bizarro universe where he enters his 19th season doing MNF, and didn’t lose his mind and go nutjob after 9/11.

Listen, I’m from Wisconsin and .086 is not “Crash a huge ship” drunk, but more like “Say something really inappropriate at your in-laws’ Christmas Lutefisk Dinner” drunk. On the other hand, how long do you suppose it takes to get a breathalyzer out into a south korean harbor? I’m willing to bet Cap’n Crunch had a…

Either you’re a super lightweight or your breathalyzer was defective.  Blackout territory is normally 0.2+, around 0.25.

We’re gonna need a smaller boat

Being a Russian ship, I expect we’ll have dash cam footage soon.

Oh fuck off.  

I’d be a little wary of that one right there....