How many cops does it take to arrest one non-threatening black woman?

Gotta hit it once so I can take a sharpie and make a waterline. Then, she’s good forever.

I know. And I hate how enthusiastically I would bang him.

I have multiple contacts labeled “Trouble.” They’re all the exes I don’t want to talk to. I’m not tempted to call them, because who knows who I might get? As an extra bonus, I’m also not tempted to pick up when they call me, because it might be the one I’m kind of missing or it might be the one I’ve never forgiven and…

KANGOL HATS. that’s what he owns. so many kangol hats.

his stupidity is in no way surprising to me but his ability to make up somewhat coherent lies about how he’s a “nice guy” who doesn’t fuck around is pretty impressive

The fact that he couldn’t recall the term “sapiosexual” is proof positive that he’s never actually been on Tinder. It is included in at least 85% of profiles.

real conversation i’ve had with a tinder date

He gave me the screen name, too! He knows what makes the ladies wet as October alright! Great show.

Stop being so bossy with those hashtags, The Game. If your dick is in my face, I think I'll know what to do, thanks.

I think it’s normal to laugh maniacally after sex, but only if you win.

It doesn’t help that my partner plays “Nothing Compares 2 U” every time we fuck.

I was walking up the hill I lived on in Honolulu. I kept feeling this weird tickling sensation around my knee—I was wearing bluejeans. I kept kind of scratching at it, figuring it was a loose thread or something with my pants. Finally I just stopped on the sidewalk, reached up my pants leg to see what I could find,…

Oh man, I was just telling this story on another website this week ironically enough.

Its not a bug, its a lizard.