whip some cream then, brah.

You know what that means...

I enjoyed this article more than anything I’ve read on the internet in months.

I loved last week’s classic line

Trump is Jim. Jimmy is Trump. Jimmy likes to talk about himself in the third person. Jimmy also has these special shoes that make him jump really high.

This really hits home for me.... I just lost my dad not even a month ago to a 6 year battle with cancer. He was only 58 leaving my 55 year old stay at home mom behind. I’m the oldest of 4 brothers and we all are just beginning to navigate through the anger and sadness in our own ways. Luckily, we are all really…

My three year old loves my World Famous “I Promise It’s Not a Vegetable, Please Just Eat It.” and she’s also a huge fan of “Okay I Give Up, You Can Have Raspberries & Ketchup Again.”

Yea keep telling yourself that.

Seriously. Up until about 37, people regularly guessed I was about 10 to 12 years younger. Then it was like one morning world woke up, the veil was lifted, and now everybody gets it just about right.

Holy shit please have Lena Dunham clap back at Drew.

Roberson can’t hit the And-1 nor can he carry the one.

I,too, get vomit on my sweater upon hearing Ed Sheeran

How come women can’t go sleeveless when Paul Ryan is allowed to go spineless?

I see their bitterness over their appendages never equalling Michelle O’s guns hasn’t abated.

Jenny Slate must have a huge dick.

And she didn’t die and turn white, that was her period.

Did Matthew Broderick learn nothing from the time that Carrie and Aidan tried to combine apartments??

RE: how much guidance students got:

I don’t want to take anything away from any of these kids…