This dog is legitimately the best thing that has ever happened to me. I cannot stop laughing. Please send help (and more videos). Thanks.

While I'm sure what you're saying is true for some, I used to hit up my unbearable-if-I'm-sober grade A fratty asshole booty calls when my most drunk. Because at that point abs and a nice ass >>>>> being a decent human being. I can only speak for myself, but ethanol just makes me want the sexytimes. If I hit on…

I'm pretty sure the theme is "publicity."

Check the tape!

PANTS ARE A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT!!!

Beer is basically Tony Robbins casting a voodoo love charm on you in the elevator.

We at Team Dog regret this incident and plan on investigating further. The perpetrator will be retrained, neutered, subject to house arrest in perpetuity and denied treats. His owners will be flogged. A lot.

I live in Bakersfield m'self and I literally am having security cameras installed outside my house as we speak. There's a big meth problem here, which leads to a lot of break ins and thefts.

Seriously. I fucking hate when people are like "no, my dog's cool, he's just gonna wander around the yard while I tool around in the garage," and then I walk past with my two territorial-as-fuck dogs on leashes and that asshole's dog mosies over to say hello.

Not to distract from the glory of this — because it's goddamn spectacular — but why does this person have so many cameras outside of the house? Looks like three different shots.

We at Team Dog regret this incident and plan on investigating further.

I'm looking at you, people who think your dog is friendly and well-behaved enough to be off of a leash. You're all assholes.

God I love that the cat keeps chasing that dog's ass even after he's started running away. The secondary shot going around the back of the SUV is great. Team Cat!

Today is a day for Team Cat.

I would sue the shit out of that neighbor if I was that mother. Careless assholes allowing their rabid dog to run loose, fuck that shit.

Because they live in Bakersfield. You would understand if you've ever been there.

That was a seriously brave cat, and I'm glad the kid is ok.... BUT WHY IS THAT RANDOM PERSON'S HOUSE COVERED IN SECURITY CAMERAS FROM MULTIPLE ANGLES?!?!

What the fuck, dog? That was a real dick move!

Team cats!