I have a relative who slipped outside of a Chipolte, sued, and cleared $50K at settlement.

haha i see what you did there! Because vampires "suck" blood! hahaha!

But before we get to the inauguration, here's 10 minutes of stand-up from Andrew Dice Clay. After that we've got a three hour lecture from Ben Stein, and 5 minutes of Jim Belushi just sort of standing there and staring at you.

Time to Blow. My uncle gave me that record, and we played it in the high school band.

now some shoe-gayer, I think. Just a dab!

autotune

the wet bandits

mmmm, a plain cheese pizza just for me.

the salt turns to bodies…into mummies

yup that's it. in the end credits he looks up at the camera and pats his heart really fast. nerve-wracking AND hilarious.

I imagine that death for Lightning McQueen means getting parted out by a San Diego chop shop.

Just like the Chinese.

I'm gonna go get the papers, get the papers.

which Chan movie is the one where he slides down the roof of the building/skyscraper and nearly goes over the edge?

One of the highlights of the otherwise mild letdown that is Run Ronnie Run is the end credits sequence that parodies the end credits sequences from Jackie Chan movies.

Toast fucking. It's that new thing where you fuck — or get fucked — with toast.

i'm really interested in Kodak's new cell phone with the ridiculous camera specs. UK only right now, I think.

instead of wading through a field of barley at the magic hour, at least one character will wade through a wait-deep mound of empty PBR cans.

My wife and I are on season 6, and it's still a good show. There's been only one episode recently that I didn't enjoy because the writing didn't seem true to the characters.

I was thinking it would be a version of Today's Special