This article had it all—pipeline namedrop, selfie linked to Twitter so you can heart it, big old bulleted list of personal experience reframed as universal truths. A true touchstone for how to captivate today’s readers.

No kidding, this is only news to city dwellers who never venture far off the lightly salted sidewalks while getting a cappuccino frappuccino latte grande excellante.

For the other 95% of the northern half of the nation, it is indeed, Tuesday. And we have to get to work...

For you, being trapped in a hotel in North Dakota during a blizzard in subzero temperatures will be a story you tell for the rest of your life. For midwesterners, it was Tuesday.

Aren’t we all?

I can only imagine “yes” is the answer to that.

Can anyone show me an example of how you narrate a video of your personal design while not coming off like an insufferable douche?

Yeah. He needs to go fuck himself in the ass with that fuckbrick of a monstrosity. Then he needs to do it again, but much harder.

In October 2015 he registered the mmaathletesassociation domain names

Am I the only person in America who isn’t enamored with open floor plans? I am all about a house having good flow, but it seems weird to me to be able to see the entirety of your main floor no matter what. Does no one ever want to watch TV or read a book without hearing the dishwasher running or kids getting food?

Notre Dame players think that they can simply apoligize during the last minute of the game all their personal fouls will magically disappear.

Depends on who you voted for. I voted Hillary and actually enjoyed this article, even if it’s not satirical. It’s a good balance to this site and all of the other Post-Gawker sites.

Fair to assume that “some lower Serbian league” is code for “first division Montenegro”?

No matter what the discussion is about, the NFL should never be consulted for what constitutes a catch.

W. Kamau Bell talked about how he knew gentrification was getting bad when white people started to complain about it. “I’ve lived here two years, goddammit! I remember when that coffee place used to be another, smaller coffee place!”

Wow so again Polansky gets to walk away a victor shortly after going up 15-love.

How many more days before this ends? I know most Americans have a half life of 10 seconds of attention span, so it shouldn’t be much longer before the snowflakes are back to snap chatting pics of their junk and sexting.

Yeah, because the best way to be respectful to people is to call them insane and mock their beliefs. It’s okay, though, because Christians aren’t on the PC police protected list. It’s perfectly okay to mock them and berate them since you are intellectually and morally superior. You want to know how Trump won? …

She got there by fighting the establishment all the way.

His taste sucks, his restaurant sucks, and he seems like a gross human being all around.

I’m not sure that “people who buy ten dollar multi-tools” and “people who own a good set of files” are overlapping circles on the venn diagram of life.