Jesus. Take off, nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

Amy Sedaris and David Sedaris, either together or separately.

The recently departed Sir Terry Pratchett would have topped my list, but, you know. RIP. :(

Murder/suicide all three.

YOU ARE WRONG!

The cast of Strangers With Candy. No contest.

Yeaahhhh I’m gonna have to be stoned for this, aren’t I

He has personally seen people with EBT cards, buying filet mignon and crab legs. Presumably he has a camera in his phone, yet miraculously, he’s never taken a photo of this abuse which went on RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. I’m also curious as to how he knows someone is using an EBT card unless he’s standing over them.

“When I can’t afford it on my pay, I don’t want people on the taxpayer’s dime to afford those kinds of foods either.”

Why are these politicians so darn evil? Why are hand outs to rich people okay but not handouts to poor people?

If a giant overhead light fell and crushed Jimmy Fallon, I would donate a lot of money to the charity of the Teamsters choice. . .

I don’t know about this study in particular, but a lot of the reporting on synthetic estrogens in the water omits the fact that birth control is only responsible for a tiny fraction of the problem- far more is coming from livestock and agriculture.

Oh my god, I love you. Seriously. I have had three - THREE! - different people at different points in my life tell me that I will never know real love if I don't have a baby. First, how fucking rude are you to say that to a stranger? Second, if my ability to feel love is contingent on my pushing something out of my…

You're absolutely right. I'm an aunt and my niece is just the cutest. She's 3 now and I am very much looking forward to hanging out with her when she's a bit older. Hell, maybe I'll get to take her out for her first mani/pedi. Then I'll get to take her back to my brother while I drive off into the sunset. Good times…

I always thought being an Aunt was actually perfect. You pick up the kids when you feel like having a kid day, you take them somewhere cool where you spoil them and yourself, then you drop them back with their parents and have a relaxing mani/pedi followed by dinner and drinks in a fabulous outfit with your fabulous…

It's ironic how that works, because most of the people that have criticized my lack of interest in children seemed to have had them for selfish reasons: "What happens when you're old? Who'll take care of you?/Don't you want a mini-version of yourself?". My mother has even started hinting that she wanted grandchildren…

I am white and I've had my hair searched, AND I am fully aware that the TSA screening process is totally based on racial profiling. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

I like to announce my period to my husband by swaggering up and loudly announcing "You are...NOT the father!"

Yeah, I saw this yesterday on facebook because it got shared into my newsfeed, and while I agree with er 100% on the point she's making, the whole "MY BODY IS DIVINE" thing rubs me the wrong way. My body isn't divine. It's perfectly, ordinarily, normal. And that's the point. Something that is perfectly normal should…