Whatever else happens in my life from now on, I hope I never meet Jacob. Just reading that question made me want to blind myself with a pin.

It reads like bad fiction.

Bring in younger, cheaper replacements! That’s the American spirit!

This certainly is an updated take on the Batman origin story.

Is anyone else hearing the music from Psycho? Just me?

Tinder is a strange place for me. I'm not very Southern in my mindset, but I live in Alabama. A lot of your advice for men could go for the women around here. About half of all profiles mention their devotion to Christ (cool if that's your thing, but a weird way to start your dating profile). I've seen far too many…

I don't know, but the real question, of course, should be: how far can he punt a football?

More like Sean Kegler, amirite?

Only interesting game? Someone apparently didn't realize that the Ol' Ballcoach and Gus Malzahn were throwing everything in their playbooks at each other in Auburn. That game was insane.

"If they're going to complain about that tip, maybe they should go get a better job!"

It's at this point that I have to ask: why isn't there a filed to category called "dongspin"? There are enough dong-related stories to justify it, methinks.

This video fills me with so much happy, I can bearly take it!

I was watching the Braves' feed today. They did an interview with the guy. Apparently, he's caught 28 in-game home run balls at Wrigley. He brings 2 to every game and usually catches more in BP to pull off his switcheroos. He has this fandom thing figured out.

HOT SPORTS TAKE!

"He would learn to write code instead, like many of our culture's brightest young cowards do."

This is probably the highlight of my mediocre athletic endeavors: I was never an awful athlete, but definitely not good. I could shoot a basketball okay, but that was it. Due to low opportunity and my own anxiety, I had never scored more than 7 points . . . in a season. But one day in gym class when I'm about 15,…

I think this is my favorite Deadspin video yet.

Little dusty in here. Great story.

[I'm so sorry.]

The Roethlisbergers immediately regretted their pact to name their newborn after the first thing they saw at the new Bay City Memorial Hospital's e.e. Cummings maternity ward as a group of people walked by the sign.