Dear lord, why?

Can we get Rifftrax on this, asap?

I like my gerbils to come in tubes, it's easier to get them into your mouth…

I heard it was ice cream.

They'll still continue to thrive in the toxic petrie dishes of 4chan and 8chan like little extremophile Nazi bacteria.

The owl scared the buhjeezus outta me as a kid. In fact, that whole world was dangerous what with tractors and Dragons and rats of ill-intent. That it's animated and features Dom Deluise are about the only kid-friendly elements it has going for it.

There is no eucatastrophe waiting for us.

I'd take 8 more years of Dubya over this clownshow.

The Bruins Identity

Three Days of the Cardinals

From Bush League with Glove

I'm not your buddy, Guy!

Why not Guardians Vol. 2?

Exhibit A: Biff Tannen in Back to the Future part II

He's basically the villain in a movie where the hero is a dog.

I just think it would have been cooler with a merman.

The scriptural support for the Rapture is wafer thin.

Johnny Depp is Nicholas Cage's greatest role, apparently.

If you haven't checked out Alastair Stephens' (of StoryWonk) "Story & Star Wars" podcast series, go ahead and do that. He deconstructs the prequels in a way that gave me a new appreciation for them while helping me better understand exactly why they're so flawed. He made me a prequel apologist, and I'm not entirely…

Hold my beer, I got this.