If I look back on my first few relationships - or even the girls I had crushes on and didn't end up dating - and I can't really figure out what I was thinking. It's no secret that teenagers have the worst judgement and can't plan for long-term consequences, but I made some terrible choices.

The first slowed-down song I remember hearing was Friday by Rebecca Black.

You can't blame Clapton for the fact radio stations decided to play it constantly for at least a year.

It's not exactly my favorite song of all time, I usually change the channel when it come on, but I'm sorry, but if your son dies a horrible death, you get a free pass to sing whatever you want.

The sad thing is, I really liked the logline for this one back when it was in pre-production.

Are you well into your 20s, or older? 
Are you still dating someone you were dating in high school?
Are you having major problems with this One True Love?
Are you struggling with a (college) LDR, or wandering thoughts? 
Are you wondering how to fix it and bring the magic back?

More like Uncle Herzog.

President Clarke's first act was to shut down Space Jezebel.com

Don't worry, we'll learn all of his backstory and how much people care about him!

Queen - "The Show Must Go On" and "Mother Love"

Joy Division - "In a Lonely Place"

Fear not, he can be dismissed by reciting the infernal incantation.

You forgot 'In a Lonely Place' - which basically screams at you to stop him from doing what he's about to do. :(

He made a plea
They cut a deal 
It was a pilot season

The world ends. You've got your choice of absolutely any car you can get your hands on (minus the ones encrusted with the viscera of decomposed bodies) and you choose…

I hope for her sake that she doesn't forget to make her quarterly tax payment in June for the $1 million in Q2 2013 earnings. Because that would be… awkward.

I'm still hoping ABC picks up The Ammish starring Michael Chiklis for the Fall 2013 season.

I can't believe we haven't had one Hootie and the Blowfish Hatesong yet.

Yeah, I think it's not unheard-of for performers with a terminal illness to insist on going out on their own terms. Even if that means doing concerts while their doctors are pleading with them to reconsider.

"Johnny Utah" is the most early-'90s name for anything ever.