Twelve year-olds are like that.

Why don’t we just wait and hear what he says? 

Or have watched his movies.

She lost her hair and remains an absolutely gorgeous woman with a buzz cut...and there are all kinds of women who cut their hair like that on purpose, as a fashion choice. It’s not like Rock came out there and started mocking the leg she lost in Vietnam. I have a friend with the same disease, and she thinks the sense…

I’m heartbroken by what’s currently happening to Willis, but he could be a huge dick with people throughout his career. He’s ill now, and it’s sad. But he hasn’t achieved sainthood. He still did the things he did, and Smith is talking about a twelve year-old movie! He hasn’t been in cognitive decline for twelve solid…

Have you ever heard of assault? I mean, as long as we’re asking questions.

Will Smith getting up and bitch-slapping Chris Rock during a televised Oscars broadcast is even less believable than a M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.

I hate telling this story, because there’s always somebody who wants to call bullshit when you mention a celebrity encounter, even though I would have zero reason to make this up, and I respect other people. I simply wouldn’t write something like this if it wasn’t true: 

I am convinced there was a second slap that originated just beyond the grassy knoll.

How is it that no movie star ever climbed onstage and pummeled Ricky Gervais?

I’m pretty sure neither one of them assaulted the other on television.

I wonder if he assaulted his publicist when he was told to write that.

The only way that would work is if they gave an Oscar to the guy who did the assaulting, then everyone cheered while he called himself “a vessel for love.”

Chris Rock should feel honored. It’s not everybody who gets viciously slapped in the face on national TV by a vessel for love.

Yes. And if everyone on a plane had a gun, there wouldn’t be any more hijackings!

If he had made a “Liza is in a wheelchair” joke, Joel Grey would have run up and slapped him.

Ohhh! And Will Smith played along and pretended to assault someone on TV in order to help the dwindling Oscar ratings. Good theory.

Not at the moment. But Will Smith shouldn’t present the Best Actor Award next year. (Any thoughts on who actually committed a physical assault at a fucking televised awards ceremony in front of millions of people?)

Yeah. A quick vicious slap that was watched by millions of people, including children who are fans of Will Smith. It’s absolutely fucking indefensible, and arguably the single stupidest thing I’ve ever seen a celebrity do on television...and that’s saying a lot while Kanye West roams the earth. You think it’s “done”…

They should have taken his stupid ass out of there in cuffs. PUNCH THE GUY LATER if you think that’s what you have to do to prove your “love” and manhood, and even that would be childish. But if that’s where your head is at, maybe don’t do it in front of hundreds of millions of people on live television. There’s some…