Why, just last week the archaeologist and I specifically and purposely broke the laws of physics during phone sex. Why not, if it works for the moment?

A rabid squirrel once got into my apartment. It hissed, HISSED, at my super, and we had to call the squirrel authorities to remove it. Grey Menace, seriously.

Hold on now. I draw the line at squirrels. The Grey Menace get NO sympathy from me.

Maybe it used that money to take @siryouleanblue's hamster out on the town, and then knocked her up? (Sorry, I'm weaving this whole backstory about reckless hooligan hamster youth here.)

Hamster EPT is notoriously unreliable. The pee sticks are so small! And hamsters don't have opposable thumbs! I can understand mamma hamster's confusion.

Apparently "beating ON" means something different to you than it does to the rest of us here. Which might be why you keep getting so many similar responses. I thought that "beating ON" was at least as bad as "beating", if not even more severe. Whenever I've heard that expression, I've taken it to mean "hold down and…

Right! Cats don't learn by punishment of bad behavior; only by reinforcement of good behavior. Ignore them or distract them from the misbehavior, then reward them when they do something right. For example, don't yell or hit when they scratch the couch, but give them a treat when they use the scratching post.

Dogs are your servants; cats are your roommates. They're not assholes anymore than your human roommate who occasionally gets in a mood or wants to be left alone.

Exactly. This cat is obviously playing. His ears are not flattened back, his facial expression is calm, and his body motions are springy and playful, not predatory. Her hands are moving back and forth near him like a bird, she's swatting lightly at him and then retreating, and her vocal tone is (mostly) calm. He's…

Related: I've always wondered, how do blind people know when they're done wiping?

I like VPL. It tells the world that I am wearing undergarments, LIKE A LADY.

Team Granny Panties, INDEED. The only thongs I own are from matched sets with super-cute bras, where thongs are the only matching option. And then I never wear them anyway.

wait WHAT? If this is a droid thing and not iPhone available, I will weep big salty tears. But if my iPhone can do this, you must tell me how, please!

Chris Pratt and Tim Olyphant together? My ladybits would explode.

My (recent) ex looks like Fat Andy in the winter, but tends to shape up in the summer. I was hoping he'd take the fitness all the way to Buff Star-Lord levels this year. But he never looked at me the way Chris is looking at Anna in that photo, so instead we broke up.

EXACTLY. Men don't get that kind of backlash, because no one feels the need to "put them in their place".

Not like anyone here needs any reassurance, CLEARLY, but...

Both the geek AND the nerd are about to orgasm inside you? I don't understand how you have the wherewithal to post on Jez at a time like this.

It sounds delicious!

Fun Factory is the best!