wait, which one? I love Fun Factory, so I'm down for more German toys.

"Quick, someone design a flag."! YES.

Sorry, it just touched a nerve. I know way too many people who get sincerely angry over old-news spoilers, so I've started ranting back in kind.

THANK YOU! Sorry, but I truly hate spoiler alert whiners. The rest of the world isn't beholden to your viewing schedule; we want to make jokes!

So when Burt mistakenly called her Ron Swanson's girlfriend, did that also require a spoiler alert? How far back does "forever" go for you, exactly? At this point she's been his wife for longer than they dated; it's seriously not my fault you're behind. Spoiler alerts for TV get one week, max; once another episode had…

Christ, the baby's practically walking!

Megan Mullaley and Nick Oferman, in real life, don't have kids. Lucy Lawless plays Ron Swanson's wife and babymom on Parks and Rec.

excuse me? MARRY Ron Swanson and have his babies!

I found this lovely list of old slang terms for women's genitalia on Mentalfloss:

For serious! One of the main reasons I stayed with my stupid ex too long was that he would go to nude beaches with me, and I knew no one would bug me with him nearby, the big lug. It just feels so nice and relaxed.

Though, to be fair, Tom's most recent movie "Edge of Tomorrow," was actually, surprisingly, pretty good and well reviewed, despite the ridiculous name.

I too like "pussy" as a catch-all term. But if people find that vulgar, I'll go with "lady bits". Context is everything. As for "vagina," I've always thought it sounded clinical, and therefore should be easy to use accurately.

LATISSE! I'm telling you, it's amazing.

Trax!

That's how I felt about The Matrix...

I literally laughed out loud. My cat was taken aback.

Why, because there wasn't underlying pathology in Secretary? She was a cutter, presented as having all sorts of damage! And the BDSM supposedly "saved" her. Honestly, I don't understand why people worship that movie — except maybe it was the first to present BDSM in a mainstream, non-porn context. (Though was it? I…

Although he's generally way hotter with facial hair, Jamie Dornan's looking like a hot young Colin Firth in this trailer. I've decided to imagine the film as Bridget Jones fanfic instead.

THANK YOU! I can't stand Secretary, and don't understand why everyone raves about it. I mean, Jeebus, it's possible to be into BDSM without being damaged or needing salvation. And what, once she gets her shit together, she's just a stay-at-home kept woman? All sorts of shitty messages in that film.

They met at an airport; sometimes people like to chat, and they find they have common interests. I've struck up conversations at airports, at bus stations... Heck, I met one of my best friends on a train. He had a friend in my industry, I knew someone in his, we were both looking for new jobs, we exchanged contact…