For a while the beginning of Deliverance Dueling Banjos was my ringtone. People either didn’t get it or thought I was weird. So I switched it to Goodbye Horses, more people got it and everyone got weirded out.

Funky phone and full foley follies.

If I ever find out WHY she thought every sandwich needed to be ruined with butter

Pixie Stix have flavoring in them though, don’t they? That might help, it’d be a little like powdered jam or something. The butter and sugar on white bread seems rather bland and doughy to me. Maybe I need to try with less butter and less sugar, maybe cinnamon and sugar, maybe cookie butter and nutella...

he jumps down and grabs the phone and manages to get back up without help

That’s pretty much The Worst. I hope you didn’t get a ticket and that you got some replacements quickly.

Furtive is more the way she behaves with these “secret Paulo Busting Sandwiches” than the actually dry, slimy, gritty treat itself. Maybe I should keep better goodies on hand or something (HA!)

That sounds friggen awesome!

That’s dedication right there. I think if it were a toilet with my own leavings I wouldn’t hesitate... But a Portapotty is an unholy mini midden of blue madness and it would take a situation like yours to make me consider reaching in.

I haven’t read that yet! I read in spurts and the last year or so has been a bunch of Oprah Book Club type shit. I need to catch up with some of his stuff =/ I’m a Naughty Constant Reader.

I’m checking mainly for toilet snakes (porta potty snakes), a life long fear.

(The lady was okay afterwards.)

We need to get you some rubber goddess buggy bumpers, for safety. (They’re just Bedazzled water wings.)

I have a bunch more (including Voltron) but this is my favorite.

I think you’re right on the money with the consistency thing. It was dry, slimy and gritty all at once. And furtive as fuck.

Thank the Lords Of Kobol I don’t often open tins of the sweetened condensed milk- or it would quickly take MrGhostBoobs, the whole gang and all of his friends and relations to get me through my front door.

ice cream and chili dogs shit

I let her make me a half sammy, but it was like dryish dough to me. It needed something else, but I’m not going to go searching for what that might be because that would be a recipe for disaster when I get the munchies. I made her a toast with butter and sweetened condensed milk, but she thought that was too much and…

Walkie Talkie Marco Polo sounds like fun, as long as you’re not desperately dumpster diving, of course.

Always consider the safety of your whisker biscuit. Always.