Weirdly, every decision a woman makes about her appearance isn’t about meeting what you’d like to see.

People who care about their eyebrow shape do not care about it for you, dude.

Fuck open workspaces

So cause more anxiety to get rid of the original. So to stop smoking, I should do lots of cocaine. Makes sense to me.

I'm all passionate about naps. I think of them when I wake up, when I'm at work, when I'm eating, and when I go to sleep. I woke up from my nap the other day. In my dream, I was holding a wad of cash trying to get the lady to get me my fries and Coke. When I woke, I wasn't holding my cash. I was holding my fat roll.…

Driving a car around DC is not that great of an idea either though.

Don’t wear championship merch.

Thank you for this picture and for being inclusive!

lol

I work in produce. One thing to note is that there is usually some place in the world where your favorite produce grows, so it’s not like that ear of corn you get in January was frozen from the previous season. It probably came from Florida instead of Nebraska. With that said, be conscious of price. People flip-out…

Dunkin Donuts. They have a mobile payment app, which also stores all your rewards. This is great if you hate carrying loyalty cards around. Easy to earn a free drink and they always have some sort of promotion going to earn extra points.

Don’t forget the big one:

“Have Satanic human sacrifices ever been performed in this house that would cause evil spirits to possess the children, causing them to tie up the parents, torture them, and then kill them in unspeakably horrible ways?”

Unless your mom made it, you don’t have to eat it. Just say no to food you don’t like.

Delightful!

Yeah that was the first thing I thought when I read this. “Washing, the dishes? Make it a treat!” No, you live here. Do the dishes.

Good tip but that last bit about “making her feel special” by doing the dishes as a treat for her once in a blue moon is effing ridiculous. I feel sorry for his significant other.

Ha! Task list: 1. Write task list. 2. Accomplish tasks. 3. Confetti party!

“You could just write these down yourself,...”

I saw the headline and my first thought was, “I wonder which commenter is going to politicize this with a really lame, obvious, pun.”

No, it’s fantastic political advice... unless of course you enjoy the country being turned into a theocracy (Cruz), a new Third Reich... except with a nuke stockpile (Trump), a warmongering dynasty (Bush), a place where the president actually doesn’t show up for work a third or more of the time (Rubio), a place where…