My friend is a die-hard Michigan fan and the other day he told me, “I sure hope Harbaugh gets us a championship before his CTE gets the best of him.”

If you wrote a cover letter to a company for an open job, and misspelled that company’s name, you think they’d offer you the job?

Stanford. Duke. Northwestern. Berkeley. Notre Dame. Virginia. UCLA. USC. UVA. These all ranking higher overall than Michigan, and several of them boast equal or superior football programs.

Let’s dissect that:

Nothing retarded about it, he’s got plenty of options, this won’t negatively affect him in any way. If he decides to re-commit to Michigan tomorrow, Harbaugh would take him.

How dare he be so uppity to a school that views him as a soon to be unpaid tool, when they don’t bother to spell his fucking name correctly or know if he attended a party or not.

Same crazy eyes.

Yeah, who are these asshole kids? Don’t they know a coach getting paid millions of dollars needs them to sacrifice their bodies so that his university can reap hundreds of millions, of which they won’t see a single thin dime? How dare they expect that the party with all the power at least remember their fucking name.…

You’re funny. “Top 5 program.”

Top 5 program? What year do you think this is?

A.) The fact that you jumped on football credentials before mentioning academics says a lot, and

They haven’t been top five in a loooooong time. Going to be a while longer, too. Can’t beat Sparty or tOSU.

One might define a ‘better school’ as a school that has won more than .5 national titles in the last 65 years.

For a lot of these kids, the program they choose can be the difference between a multi-million dollar career, incredible fame, and the chance to uplift their family and community... or literally none of that. Considering how a 4-star recruit could essentially receive a scholarship at any football school in the country…

You really think he doesn’t have a chance to play D-1 football and get a full college scholarship now?

He was going to UNC until he got stabbed, tho...

Harbaugh has released a statement saying the note was a test of Solomon’s ability to recognize sarcasm.

Look at how not-racist Pence is letting that black man cut his hair! It’s just like Barbershop (or those scenes from Coming to America)!

He is a man of the people, willing to even be around black people... when he gets a haircut.

I think we are all hoping for a fade at this point.