There really should be phases to the drunk emoji

So is he handing out Godiva truffles or just boatloads of Reeses? I need to see his assortment here.

Who knew Mathew Perry was such an asshole?

Well La-Di-Da...everyone look at the fancy pants. Mr. “I can work sober” over here.

But the shots are still unlimited right?

As long as the Executive Branch condemns Islam and commends and encourages violence against would-be enemies, then a sentence imposed by the Judicial Branch does little to deter people generally from engaging in such conduct if they believe they are protecting their countries from enemies identified by their own…

I believe you pay the county clerk a hefty fee in cocaine and hookers and then they stamp a piece of paper saying you’re good to go.

And are allowed to form unions where all other public unions are banned. Like my state makes collective bargaining for public education workers illegal. But cops? Go right ahead and blackmail the city into bankruptcy by guaranteeing an 8% return on a fixed payout pension they can claim after just 20 years...

Yup. Both truck driver and cab driver are higher on the list which implies the cop part of the job is safer than the driving to the cop part of the job.

I support those who risk their lives to serve and protect us and I support holding people who misuse their power accountable.

Clearly they’re peep eggs...or cocoons...or larvae...not entirely sure how the peep reproduction cycle functions

Donuts shot, which pairs a pink sprinkle doughnut (from food truck Republic Donuts) with a pour of Grand Marnier creme de cacao and milk

Yall are looking at this like ‘is this constitional’ (no, clearly it’s not) or ‘is this a racist thing’ (yes, clearly it is), but you’re completely ignoring the potential upside here.

Swedish Fish are fantastic and 3 musketeers are ok, but I would still take a 3 musketeers over an almond joy any day of the week.

Your article presumes that religious beliefs should be inclusive, but numerous studies have shown the exact opposite. The stronger a person’s religious beliefs, the more racist they are (in general)

Like who stole her chin. 

A deer’s natural diet consists of grasses, shrubs, and flowering plants.

avoiding stressful car commutes

For real. For some reason he dismissed a back and forth discussion I was having where no one was yelling or calling each other an idiot...I guess he just didn’t want to see opposing points of view.

For those of us familiar, the New England accent has variations. The Maine version is kind of quaint. It’s like New England mixed with Canada.