She is an East Coast Academic and speaks like an East Coast Academic. She speaks in absolutes because she has absolute faith in her convictions. She pushes controversial ideas which are off putting to people who don’t share her outlook on issues. Basically Elizabeth Warren is off putting to some for the same reason…

Competent women are offputting.

I MEAN CLEARLY SHE’S OFF-PUTTING SHE DOESN’T HAVE A PENIS AND IS SPEAKING IN PUBLIC.

What category do Grape Nuts fit into? My mom made us eat that all the time. It was neither sugary nor sweet and could break your teeth. 

His tiny hands can't hold anything as big as a two-month-old baby

Yeah but, like, have you ever tried to fold a fitted sheet?

I already know what it’s like to live in a world where only men are in control and they would rather live in the woods than do basic housekeeping. It’s called the reality of the last several hundred years.

OK since this dystopia where women are scarce looks like a bunch of BS, I would like to take this opportunity to tell people about a great dystopia where women are scarce: The Book of the Unnamed Midwife.

(D) he is Harold

“Dear Salty, can I prorate my tip because I spent significantly less time at the table than the typical patron?”

I usually read at least an hour prior to bed, and specifically for the reasons you have stated; it helps turn everything off.  And that is much needed in this day and age.  And FWIW, Im old enough to remember mowing lawns while waiting for the next release from Pern.  ;)

How about the used bookstore? Where you traded in your books and got new ones for more pennies on the dollar?  VC Andrew's, Steven King, teenage horror novels that were pretty RL Stine but just as good.  I feel like the 80s was a great time for paperbacks. 

Meanwhile, whoever was going to start for the Skins at QB this year fell down while getting off an elevator and tore both ACLs, probably.

very nervous and skinny version of Pocahontas (1000/24th)

“LOUD NOISES”

Mama 4: Momo Mama Mia: Here We Go Again

The party I will throw when this fucking idiot dies...

“She will typically try to give the passerby her child then disappear. When the person goes to look at the child in their arms, they discover it is only a bundle of leaves or large rock.”

Mama 3: Momo Mama MOMA: Night at the Museum 

Mama 2: Momo mama