Bevo
Horns-a-glow
The stars at night
Are big and bright
Deep in the heart
of Texas
But no star is brighter
Tuning In To God
Darrell Royal Brings Comfort
DeLoss Dodds Brings Rainbows
For it is Bevo
His horns of love
His horns are a rainbow
All the beautiful colors
Love is a rainbow
All Spiritual

Why should he pay attention to the dugout dustup when he hasn’t been paying attention to the rest of the team since the All-Star break.

1989. 7th grade Spanish at a middle school in suburban Syracuse, N.Y. Our teacher was a crusty Cuban that fled after the revolution.

No pant pissing stories, but when you do the first periods story at Jezebel, I have a barn-burner about the girl that sat in front of me in 7th grade Spanish and the moment(s) she became a woman. Her parents ended up buying me new sneakers because mine were, uh, collateral damage(?).

I’ve been to DuBois, Pa. I know people from DuBois, Pa. No one in DuBois, Pa. would ever name their kid Reuben.

Look at my button down striped shirt! Fucking look at it! This shirt means one thing! I’m coming home with some pussy tonight! That’s right! It’s been a long week at the office and it’s time to blow off a little steam! I am a Junior Vice President! I have business cards that say “Junior Vice President” on them!…

Paging customer Helen Hunt. We have located your forehead.

Thanks Kevin.

Serious question, because I totally missed this: How did Clay Travis transition from Deadspin writer to malignant polyp?

Really, Samer? This is the most vile, graphic intimacy to ever happen in a Cincinnati restaurant?

Well, yeah, I was hoping that a simple reference would be all inclusive.

On it’s own, this is pretty terrible and I’m not trying to make light of the situation, but this is 10 years after the basketball program imploded around a member of the team murdering another. Forget about a compliance office and NCAA regs. It sounds like Baylor needs to do a little educatin’ around not violently…

Baylor has such a pristine history of handling student-athlete crimes.

Their most notable people from this offseason were a guy who ran a Ponzi scheme and a guy who probably didn’t swim 27 miles to shore from his boat.

If the Olympics don’t go on in Rio, they can always move it to NYC and have them swim in the Gowanus Canal.

Can we get the kid that used to do the crayon drawings of MLB highlights to come back and provide sketches?

With LOLJETS and LOLMETS, could Deadspin start a campaign to get the Knicks to swap teams with Brooklyn so all of the poorly managed teams in NYC rhyme?

The onus is on both. Yes, parents have to teach their sons, but sometimes the girls need to be reminded that they are not community property and that their bodies belong to them.

— Dan Herbeck and Lou Michel are first-rate investigative journalists. They wrote the book on Timothy McVeigh and the two have done sterling work on government corruption and telemarketing fraud.

—Buffalo, while a total shithole and festering cyst of a city, is the 42nd largest in the country. Not small town.