Curiously, my nurse friend told me that syphillis is rampant in retirement communities. People there don’t think they need to worry about condoms.

Bless his heart. If only he could win... sigh.

This is actually brilliant. Hoist them on their own petard, satanists.

He’s talking about the social power of the girl who didn’t fuck him. Poor guy.

Is your father also a tea party nut who blames Obama for all of the world’s current ills? If so, then look me up, because I fear we may have the same father.

Who says you have to go auto if you share? You know, women can drive stick too. In fact, I’ve had to teach a few of my boyfriends. Thankfully me and the husband both drive stick, and we just bought a new standard-transmission car. Yay, us.

Since she’s a public figure, she’d have to prove not only that it was wrong and that he knew that it was wrong, but also that he did it with malice. It’s a pretty tough legal hurdle, which is why so many tabloids DGAF.

If it’s gonna be this kind of party, I’m gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes.

I sat next to him once at a diner counter for like an hour. It was everything I could do to not surreptiously fondle him.

Way to turn these poor girls’ victimization into a cheap PR ploy, disgusting Bunny Ranch dude.

Honestly, this would be about my reaction if I had stepped in dog poop while barefoot.

Can someone tell me who this Nasty Gal person is and what she did to make all that money? I’m afraid to google “Nasty Gal.”

I never thought I’d want to slow clap for Miley freaking Cyrus, but here I am.

Well, I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt, even though I haven’t been in contact for quite a few years. Maybe he was unattached and just a fun threesome? It happens. Um, not that I would know or anything...

Here in Brooklyn, people do so only grudgingly. And when it passes, there’s always a line of cars on its heels, following in it’s “traffic-free” (not really) wake. Talk about ambulance chasers...

I think she’s been sporting the slicked-back hair because her hair is fried from the blond nonsense. This sort of hides it.

True that. But there’s gotta be one of those overlapping circle graphs, where the center, the comic writer, is the nexus of skeeve. See: Woody Allen.

And skeevy. Don’t forget skeevy. I was engaged to one, at one point. Before I found out he was barebacking groupies when he was on tour. I think Hannibal Burress is the only decent one. That I know of.

Honestly, this is a Catholic school. You pretty much sign up for whatever mumbo-jumbo they’re spouting when you choose to forgo free public education.

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