The dumbest shit I modded my car with was my ex-husband.

Huh, imagine that. Guess who else it isn’t working out well for...

Are you trying to say Jesus Christ can’t hit a curveball?

Someone stole Jobu’s rum.

“God Watches Tim Tebow Plate Appearance; God Denies Tim Tebow Three Times”

This is a solid headline right here.

Somebody go get a live chicken.....

“We plan to have it ready in time for Moab”

I’m not saying that Christian Pulisic is the American Messi, I’m saying that Lionel Messi is the Argentine Pulisic.

OH THAT’S COOL BECAUSE I’M LIKE 2 DAYS OLDER THAN LEBRON JAMES SO YEAH IMAGINE THAT ITS FUCKING HORRIFYING

Just a shame that this performance came while wearing Portugal’s kit. I realize that Trump is ruining American law and order, didn’t realize that we swapped our red for maroon.

You can’t really dress up as an Indian or cowboy anymore, and recently a lot of the public has turned on the police. There just aren’t a lot of good options left.

These colors don’t run!

I’m not crying shut the fuck up you’re the one who’s crying.

My mom worked with the Pirates announce crew for a while.

The trouble all began with an embarrassing stretch of static and then dead air when after a few minutes of pre-game commentary among all of the announcers, Blass said, “well, now I’ll throw it over to you guys in the radio booth.”

“it’s pretty obviously time for everyone involved here to take a step back and relax before something happens that everyone regrets.”

“Bad for a while” undersells the Fire. They’ve been dead last in the league for two straight seasons, and have been patently boring while doing so. The stadium in Bridgeview is a lesson in bad public funding schemes on par with the NHL’s Coyotes in Glendale. The debt on the park has sunk the suburb so badly that, a…

Yes, it is starting to look like that.

No, no don’t move west. St Louis, Pittsburgh, NYC, etc are much better than lame ass Colorado, Oregon, or Washington.

D.B. Pooper