Tyler Freaking Johnson. Go Bolts.

Man, he’s gonna be pissed when someone reads this article to him.

Owning up to their opinions would be heavily frowned upon at their places of work, being Taco Bell drive-thru attendants and Exxon On-The-Go cashiers. These companies have standards.

Dear Baltimore,

The leg bone's connected to the... face bone

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=…

Wait, ROB PARKER has a fucking Hall of Fame vote and Vin Scully does not?

Colecovision, Eazy-E, and Rodney King? More like @MyReferencesOldAF

Who foots the moving bill?

Should he lead with his dong? Jezebel commenters would be all over him for such a chauvinistic move.

They blockquoted the balls quote. Why did they blockquote the balls quote?

I think most fathers would go get drunk the day they found out their son was gay.

I hope they took him up on the offer, it's the only shot they'll have for the next couple of years.

Roberto Demente

I believe the correct spelling is now "A22-Eating Gossip."

I'm a writer now. I pick up the sharpest pen I can find, plunge it into my belly, and twist.

So now you've sued the only business that needs punters and slammed the only media that follows punters. You're a real fucking genius.

On the plus side, it looks like he's finally gonna see some court time.