Start getting a handjob and then stop half-way through.

Portion control is definitely my biggest issue. When it comes time for a meal, I do try to consider what would be the “correct” portion size, but I always find myself saying, “Ugh, what’s the point?” I can’t find any joy in a deck-of-cards-sized piece of chicken, a pile of lawn clippings (all you want!) and maybe six…

There is not, nor has there ever been, a Krispy Kreme in Manchester, NH.

I’m unclear as to how this is a better solution than simply mounting the phone to face you. Is it because it’s translucent? Can you really see that much through the plastic thing to counteract the reduction in visibility of the display? I mount my Note 4 in an iOttie and have never once wished I could vaguely see…

I’m unclear as to how this is a better solution than simply mounting the phone to face you. Is it because it’s…

Google Now... Like everyone else said, setting reminders and timers is big. I do use it to make most of my phone calls, and occasionally to send texts. I’ll use it for web searches on occasion, especially if it’s a simple location-specific question like “dim sum near me”. I would love to use it to play music but I…

Music by the incredibly brilliant Adrian Belew. That should never not be mentioned when discussing this short. :)

That “arms and core” image looks terrifying. Nice little workout, but if one of your hands slips, it looks from here like you’re going to drive that metal bar into your spine with your full weight. That would suck.

Also, Ripley and Dallas were actually brother and sister, split up at birth and sent into hiding to keep them safe from the clutches of the evil Weyland-Yutani corporation.

Ah, thank you. My one concern that remains about these website wrappers is that, unless I’m clueless (very possible), you’re going to miss out on sharing integration in other apps. In other words, if I want to share a photo on Facebook, I can’t just do it from Photos unless I’m going through the Facebook app. If this…

Folks on the Play Store seem to complain mostly about the banner ads. If the app is that great, it seems like offering a paid version to blast those out of there would be a no-brainer. I don’t personally find banner ads offensive in terms of generating revenue or anything like that; I just don’t like the waste of…

“Cephalopods tend to boom and bust—they’re called the weeds of the sea”

This isn’t immediately relevant to this article, but... why do the YouTube embeds on all the Kinja/Gawker/whatever sites omit the Watch Later button? I have to start the video (which I can’t watch right now), then click the YouTube link on the video to open their page, then add it to my Watch Later list from there.…

I would nominate Steven Gould’s JUMPER as a prime candidate for re-adaptation. The movie added all sorts of unnecessary plot points that weren’t in the book (like the antagonist, which is a rather substantial change). It would be a tricky book to adapt as-is, but it could be done. Just stay away from the vile second…

But unlike the fellow in the picture, do not ever tie a Half Windsor. Forget your dad ever taught it to you when you were twelve. The skewed angles of the knot make you look like a high school boy out for his first job interview. Learn a simple Pratt/Shelby and look like a grown-up.

Correction: The NASA researchers have been poring over the data, not pouring over it. Unless it was too dry, in which case perhaps they were. http://grammarist.com/spelling/pore-…

On the downside, I was looking forward to a good butthole article. On the upside, I learned about roasting pasta. So I’m willing to call it a wash.

Over-the-shoulder shot of Kylo Steve, future Sith apprentice, as he kneels before an ash pit containing what appears to be a misshapen, partially melted comb...

It should also be noted (if it wasn’t already in a comment I missed) that the music for this short was composed and performed by the legendary Adrian Belew. Apart from being an absolutely genius solo performer, Belew was a long-time member of King Crimson, was David Bowie’s main axe-man for many years, and has also…