Maybe he likes you.

Many can’t, but did you ever learn it in the first place?

I had the Monday after Thanksgiving off because it was the first day of deer hunting season.

All caps Magary poetry. Take all the ALL CAPS words, in order, and see what kind of poem you get. I clearly have too much time on my hands...

I’m kinda doubting he even rode one then. That answer looked like he just made it up on the spot, guessing at the age kids learn to ride.

I run a beer pong tournament every year for my birthday party, we do Group stages so everyone gets to play multiple games, there are custom rules websites, a rather large trophy and everyone gets really excited about it. Whenever anyone wins they get their names engraved on the trophy and they act like they won the…

If someone wants to watch me lay a couple of beefy logs, be my guest. I’m thinking that view would be so traumatizing that it would only last a few seconds, at most. I figure with that logic, I could shit in front of a picture window and still have complete privacy.

Trump knows the words to The National Anthem....but its the Radiohead song.

“The sticking point, according to Breer, was Garoppolo’s desire to, you know, actually play meaningful football before he becomes eligible to collect Social Security”.

To the bathroom guy — not only are there lights to turn on, but he could, you know, open the blinds and then re-close when he’s done.

a couple of weeks ago i was back in my home state and went with my family to visit my sister, a senior in college, before a football game. Of course, at the tailgate, there was a beer pong tournament. being a white man who once went to college, I clearly could not pass the opportunity to give the ole pastime a shot.

My HVAC guy works as a facilities manager at a college during the day and has his own HVAC business at night. When he comes to my house for a service call, he insists that I follow him around so he can teach me how to fix my own HVAC equipment… he actually hands his tools over to me and insists that I do part of the…

The best piece of marriage advice I ever received (and was actually told this on my wedding night): two comforters, one for each of you. It is amazing. Seriously, it will be one of the best investments you ever make. Roll yourself up without waking you sleeping partner. Dramatically throw it to the floor if you are…

Pats could pick up Kaepernick as a back-up. Boston fans would surely embrace that.

“I CAN’T HELP BEING THIS BIG, LADY!”

of course OSU was justified in storming the field. any day Penn State loses should be a national holiday for chrissakes

I’m starting to think that the old “the day after the Super Bowl should be a day off work” take should also apply to Halloween.

My wife is a monster and even though she’s barely 5 feet tall, she’s all over the bed when she sleeps. But we recently upgraded our mattresses but got two twins to account for the difference in our mattress preferences (much cheaper than a Sleep Number or whatever the hell those are called) and we use a bed bridge (htt…

He should be RELENTLESSLY asked to recite the lyrics to the anthem, point out Puerto Rico on a map, name all 50 states, and toast a Pop Tart without burning it. He can’t do any of those things.