“Here’s your non-negoitable contract offer. Just remember, that free education can’t have classes that conflict with your football, and we’re going to provide limited health insurance and no economic rights. If you take ANY money from anyone on the side from someone willing to pay you for the image you generate (and…

We’re coming home along the Thruway and decide to stop at McD’s. There’s a woman and smallish kid in front of us getting huffy and I can tell this won’t end well. And in due time she starts yelling at the cashier, “Why is everything more expensive here? This is ridiculous! You’re ripping people off!” and so on, as the…

Good Kinja.

Ok, so he can smash Beetles. *khun khun* Could he handle a Viper?

I already bought all the ingredients to make Dorito nachos so this is gonna have to start next week

I just saw this on Kanye’s blog:

Maybe she is allergic to red.

I went out with Conor Oberst a couple of times. The sex was meh, but I broke it off when he came over to my parents’ house for dinner and pretended like he didn’t know what a potato was. It was obvious to everyone that it was just a shitty joke that he refused to abandon, and my dad eventually kicked him out. I mean,…

You underestimate Russell Wilson as a quarterback.

DJ didn't just say "God damn." Tension was ratcheting up and the Clips were full-on harassing the referees. It was clear they'd been warned and had already had a tech or two. DJ finished a lay-in while screaming "and 1," then jumped again, looked right in ref's face plain-as-day (the broadcast had the opposite camera…

When I was a kid in elementary school I did NFL Valentines with photos of players on them for my classroom every year. Really looked forward to it, because it was kind of a way for me to share my love of collecting football cards with the rest of my classmates.

Jimmy's own worst enemy is Jimmy.

So... does that mean you had twins?

I feel that the guy missed a golden opportunity. He should have named the kid "Pylon", that way when he wants to have sex with his wife he could have said "We must construct additional Pylons!"

Well, it's better than a homing turtle shell when you're leading all the traffic.

Will you date me? I promise I won't care at all if you wear your favorite jewelry from your ex, as long as you make me waffles.