I’ve never liked Dune. It’s too...sandy. I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and gets everywhere.

While living in Texas, I was stung by a tarantula hawk. The pain was so intense I passed out and, once coming to a few moments later, realized I’d actually shit myself. I cannot imagine doing something like that with an even more painful sting on purpose.

You didn’t like the villain version of the wacky inflatable flailing arm tube man?

...short-rib burger blend molded into a sad little meat thing, sitting in the center of a massive, rapidly staling brioche bun, hiding its shame under a slice of melted orange cheese...

Well, you have a point there, especially with Black people’s history of keeping Jewish people, and other kinds of white people down.

Based on the recent dismal electoral results, we’re in a new era of smear-openness now, so let’s just say he’s black y’all, and he’s black y’all and he’s blacker than black and he’s black y’all, and he’s bliggity-bliggity-bliggity-bliggity black y’all.

CAN HE LOOK MORE LIKE AN ACTUAL VILLAIN THOUGH?

I believe Ted Cruz’s wife spends most of the year back home in Alpha Centauri but he’s not president so it’s ok with me.

Women be harrassed in the workplace if they werent working in the first place! /s

This is an especially idiotic hot taek.

Nah, Trump sensed a draft come into the room, so he was dodging it.

he’s saying one minor part was a bug, and defending his overall execution of the system.

Counter-point: If Susan Sarandon’s endorsement on November 1st is something that could effect the way you choose to vote, you’re already a big part of the problem.

Whenever I hear someone go , “But why now? Why all these women now?” Let me use my experience and simple rational logic to explain WHY NOW.

they should cast Zoe Saldana instead

I’m a strong proponent of the shower beer, but you have to drink it pretty fast.

The Rant Is Too Damn High

Again, only poor moms are normal moms. If you started a family when you were financially able to care for children, and maybe got lucky and got a job with amazing benefits, then you are abnormal and should apologize to every other mother around you. Freak.