Oh come on, don't act like bread soaked in bacon grease wouldn't be amazing (in moderation).

I frequently sighed "oh God!" in utter, brattish exasperation as a youth. My dad would say "Shhh! I don't want anyone to know!" When the phrase was directed at him.

I am! You'd be surprised Mark, I went 22 minutes without internet. Turns out, all the woodland creatures here have mobile devices! The chipmunks have mined ore and smelted it into primative broadband antennas! I'm using an I-pad made of maple bark. Somethings happening....The squirrels are singing, I can hear faint…

Sir, you are supposed to be in the woods.

Theory 3, they might be Gnostics? Either way that poor girl is going to get asked a great many questions in her freshman year of college about her thoughts on Aliester Crowley's worldview and Anton Lavey's impact on societal norms in the latter 20th century by fledgling neck-beards. The horror........

Hahaha, the other TAs used to tell me that they were pretty sure this student or that student had a crush on them, to the point where I was starting to feel left out. I mean, I don't want my students to have crushes on me, but I don't want them to have crushes on everyone except me, you know? But then it turned out…

Mark, you sly dog. That's like a writing prompt for Penthouse Forum!

"I would prefer that we keep this relationship strictly professional."

NIT PICK TIME: "College newspaper" is not accurate. We Canadians don't use college as a catch-all term for all post secondary education. "College" is actually something distinct from a university. So this is misleading.

I once had someone send me a somewhat suggestive email and I responded with a friendly "hey, I don't think this is for me. Please be careful to check the address when sending emails!" I thought it was a mistake.

Want to Date Your TA?

That seems like a lot to keep track of.

I really want a whole line of nail polishes that detect various chemicals.

I'm happy that they were humanely removed and relocated. Having an assload of bees in your apartment is terrifying, but it's a hell of a lot better than hornets or wasps. At least bees are pretty docile and, you know, do something useful.

It's because people think that everything between the hipbones & the upper thighs is all "vagina". Pubic hair, pubic bone, outer lips, inner lips, clitoris, urethra, vaginal opening, perineum, it's all "vagina". Because they just don't wanna know. HERE THERE BE DRAGONS.

Like a houseguest. Marvelous at first and full of possibilities, but if left unsupervised for too long, they can be a real pain.

All 3 of these friends are assholes.

I was going to go with the badger, myself.

Thanks, io9. You just gave me 8 hours more per day to get things done because I'm never sleeping again. Unfortunately, I will probably be using some of those hours applying a flamethrower to my face and the rest of them in the emergency room.