Someone on Twitter referred to him as “Swim Shady” which is so brilliant, and I hope it catches on.

Nope. Ugly Americans need to follow the law when traveling, no matter how corrupt the country they visit. The arrogance and possible making false statements? Leave your damned privilege at home, Olympians. Being named Johnny instead Jamal might be a get-out-of-jail free card in the US, but it don’t work that way…

Who among us hasn’t gotten drunk and caused a minor international incident?

I don’t know. A drunk 22 year old kid was shot in my neighborhood for refusing to give his phone up to an armed robber. They don’t call it liquid courage for nothing, though the line between “courage” and “stupidity” certainly gets blurrier.

I’m kind of impressed when Lochte doesn’t put his shoes & socks on in that particular order.

Or his lawyer’s.

I’m sure that was his mom’s doing.

I’m actually kind of impressed that Lochte had the foresight to skip town before everything went south.

Damn I would not want to be working for the State Department in Brazil this week.

Jeah is the only correct response to this mess.

While I want to believe, there was something so douchey, and Lochte-ish about his version where they were ordered down on the ground at gunpoint, and he “was like, nah”. Sounds so like something a fratbro would recount to his buds after getting his ass kicked.

First thought: Snoop sure likes cannoli.

OK, but how many years has it been since Nick Denton has seen Suri?

Someone posted this on Deadspin I think, but I love this:

I’ve Performed at the Super Bowl and Hillary Clinton’s Presidential Nomination and All You’ve Done Is Sit On Some Ugly Rocks With an Englishman

The “Unsinkable Molly Brows” option will.

Now Benefit is probably going to release a special edition My Brows Will Go On kit.

Dear god, what do you get for a 46k apartment? Does a magic carpet pick you up at your door, carry you to your bed of clouds, where a specially trained corgi prepares a plate of cheese and a glass of wine from you unlimited wine bar, and then the dude from Tonga rubs you feet?