As a Detroiter, let me welcome you with our finest sloppy chili togo with your overpriced hotdog.

Hey that’s not true man, some of our best suburbs are Jewish!

Once again, cheerful_exgirlfriend is the public defender of Kinja, keeping order one checked fact at a time.

Please be sure to cite Rick Reilly for having this first

Ruining everyone’s fantasy kickoff by being down, who does the app think it is, Keenan Allen

You, RR, are a great human being!

Good evening, Anna. I loved commenting over at Gawker, and would love to similarly join the conversation here at Jezebel. Should you find it in you to ungray me, I promise to keep my comments as engaging and classy as a small town Hooters restaurant. MINIMUM.

We’re going to build a wall with a BEAUTIFUL wooden door in it. That people will never have to go through because they’ll instead just pay back taxes and stay here. Kinda leaving the whole wall and wooden door thing irrelevant and an unnecessary expense. TRUMP 16: Make Having Your $25 Billion Cake And Eating It Too…

Isn’t the smart play here obviously denying that this account is yours, then having free reign to tweet as much offensive shit as possible and subsequently later deny that it was you making the “choke my coach” jokes? Skip the “I was hacked” middle man.

Hi, gals and guys. #NotAllYzerman here. I’ve commented a time or two over at Gawker. Looks like I’m gonna be moving over here, and I have to say, I love what you’ve done with the place. Smells like a delightful mix of sarcasm and tasty burritos. Brought you some cookies, hope to talk to you some more.

Whatever. About time this team had a serious offense.

If horses are so smart why didn't any horses submit comments defending themselves

When your coach is Chip Kelly, it’d be fucked up NOT to take drugs.

Far out interview, man, you're blowing my mind.

Seriously, what were they going to do, show Hillary on a screen looking like the Wizard of Oz, pre-curtain?

It’s almost like Baltimore has no sense of order

Canucks singing All Lives Matter is a bit redundant, considering that there are no black people in Canada.

I don't know man, Sidney Crosby is pretty gifted.

There absolutely needs to be an expose as to how Shawn Bradley got paired with Barkley et al.

But women is much more formal than guys, is the problem. For the same reason you don’t refer to your group of male friends as “the four men.”